Lainey and the Littles

By the Numbers

2012-02-11T14:49:00.007-05:00

In no particular order:

11 (eleven) - The grand total of my babies ages. We are now 5, 3 and 3. When Lainey woke up that January morning of her birth she looked down at her feet and declared them to be

Not any bigger than they were yesterday when I was four.

And then glanced at me like I should have a really good explanation for that.

I didn't.

The Littles were so glad to have people sing happy birthday to them. Since they had been practicing that ~~stinkin~~ lovely song for nearly a month leading up to it.

They also learned that showing people your age is not so easy when you're

free years old.

That darn pinky keeps popping up.

(anna/emily)

4, 280 (fourthousandtwohundredeighty) - The number of times I regretted telling the Mr that I could handle taking all three little ladies to the pediatrician for their yearly check-ups by myself. Because...
3,5,2 (three, FIVE, two) number of finger pricks, number of trips to the potty to pee in a cup (someone had stage fright) and number of shots.
1 (one) gal walking behind us as we were leaving the office laughed hysterically when she heard the then still-fussing-over-the-shot Anna ask

Why her put a hole in my leg?

2 (two) baby girls who are in big girl panties all the time.

187 (onehundredeightyseven) rolls of toilet paper we go through. A week.

6 (six) inches of hair that Lainey Bug had cut off.

180 (onehundredeighty) decibels Emily reached screaming

NONONONONONO

when Brian the Haircutter even remotely came near her. With scissors. Or a hairbrush.

0 (zero) haircuts that Emily (and Anna) have had in their lifetime.

45 (fortyfive) minutes the girls spent playing AmericAn Id0l, the Hollywood round.

Emily was sent home. Twice.

That Lainey can be a very harsh judge.

74 (seventyfour) Valentines the girls have to get ready for their class parties at preschool next week.

74 (seventyfour) Valentines that Mama has to get ready for the class parties next week.

8 (eight) times I've beat my husband in Scramble with Friends.

978 (ninehundredseventyeight) times we've played Scramble with Friends.

47 1/2 (fortysevenandonehalf) stripes Lainey wore last week in an ensemble she threw together ALL BY HERSELF THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

431 (fourhundredthirtyone) pins I have on Pinterest.

2 (two) things I have actually made from my pins on Pinterest.

16 (sixteen) days until we leave for spring training.

0 (zero. zip. zilch. nada. abigfatnothing) bags, bins, suitcases and totes that I have packed.

The end.

If You Blog it....

2011-12-26T11:08:00.002-05:00

they will come.

Merry Christmas and blessings on the New Year from our Gaggle to yours!

True Story

2011-12-16T06:00:00.000-05:00

So the other day I'm sitting on the couch with Emily ~~watching Curious George Christmas again~~ doing flashcards when she started to pick her nose. And then she held her treasure out for all to see. The following conversation was direct result of that action.

The Mama
Emily, please do not pick your nose. It's so gross.

(And then she made a motion that signaled she was planning on putting said treasure in her mouth.)

The Mama
Emily! Do not eat that! We do not put boogers in our mouth!

(She then redirected and stuck her finger right back into her nostril.)

The Mama
Emily Faith! I just said don't pick your nose!

The Emily
I not, mama. I jus puttin it back in der.

The end.

Christmas Card Photo Shoot - 2011 Aka I Don't Know Why I Do This to Myself

2011-12-14T14:55:00.008-05:00

They say everyone has a love language.

Mine is Christmas cards.

I adore them. They are one of my favorite things about Christmas.

I run to the mailbox every day in December.

Thankfully it's only about 20 feet from our front door.

I wouldn't want to over-do it, you know.

My philosophy is that if I send oodles of cards out, I will in turn receive dozens of oodles back.

It's in the Bible somewhere.

This year has been a little slow. My coat closet door is only about 1/4 covered with smiling faces of friends and family. Even Andy has noticed the drop. Yesterday he looked at me and said

I can feel it. Today you're gonna get four cards. Four.

Bless his heart. He knows me well.

But today I mailed out our cards. And according to my fool-proof strategy that means that more should be flying our way soon.

With that I bring you

CHRISTMAS CARD PHOTO SHOOT 2011

Let me start by saying we did not come in strong to this shoot. Our camera lens is broken, so I had borrowed my friend Courtney's to use for Lainey's ballet recital with the promise of returning it the next day.

Which meant there was no time for baths.

They do say dirty hair styles better..........

Yes, indeedy.

So I announced to my brood that

we're gonna make our Christmas card so find your best dresses and let's get crackin'!

According to Anna Grace, Lainey's ballet clothes and old holey ballet flats are the best thing going.

So she wore it.

Battles. You've got to choose 'em wisely.

Also Lainey decided that she needed pig tails. For the first time in nearly three years.

Pig tails.

This from the child who cries every time I brush her hair.

And here we go.....

Um girls, this isn't a show. There's no need to curtsy. Emily, stand up child.

Okay, let's make a no visible tongues rule, and Anna look at me please. Lainey, since when do you have a double chin?

Let's try outside, shall we?

No. That's not a bug. It's a leaf. Really.

Emily Faith. It's still a leaf. Please look at mama.

Annie Bananie, we aren't curtsying outside either. Nice try.

Come on now, mama needs real smiles. Because WE ARE HAPPY, RIGHT CHILDREN!?!

Lainey, as proud as I am, this is not the time for the C-A-T-S cheer. Littles, there are still no bugs. All insects have left the building. Really.

Em, didn't your just hear me inform you of your happiness? Tuck that lip, girl!

Then Daddy stepped in and used the oldest, most effective parenting tool out there.

Bribery.

It's in the Bible somewhere.

Did someone say Christmas Tree Cakes?

And finally, thanks to the good Lord, Andy Green and Little Debbie we got a decent shot of all my lovelies, including Buike Boy who decided to pop his sweet little face in the window.

Merry Christmas to all of our blog readers.

All two of you hold a special place in my heart.

Update: As I typed this the mailman came and brought FIVE Christmas cards for me us today. See? IT WORKS! Send your cards out, oodles or five come flooding back to you! Tomorrow I'm mailing cash......

Lainey's Big Ballet Debut

2011-12-03T20:19:00.002-05:00

This is being posted by Lainey's boring dad. There will be no witty banter or funny stories but only a video of a beautiful little snowflake who makes all of us proud.

We love you Lainey Hope!

Always a Bride

2011-10-25T13:48:00.007-04:00

The following conversation happened someday in August, somewhere in Arizona, sometime during dinner, and somehow I forgot to tell you about until today.

Three months later.

In November.

I know.

I have half potty-trained twins.

Anyhoo, the aforementioned words went like this :

Me: Hey babe, my buddy Sarah B Doyle is doing a photo shoot of gals in their wedding dresses who've been married for awhile and asked me if I wanted to do it. Doesn't that sound like so much fun?

Babe: Do you think you still fit in your dress?

Me: Really?!? Did you have to say the first thing that popped into your head? Were you planning on ever sleeping with me again? Because you may have wanted to think that one through.....

Okay, I didn't really say that. I did fuss at him for his first thought. And the fact that he said it out loud. And then I finished my dinner.

Followed by an entire box of Red Berrylicious Mike & Ikes.

So this was in August and the pictures were scheduled for early September, right after we were going to be home from AZ. I had a few weeks to lose a few pounds.

But I still had it in my mind that I didn't really need to.

I mean, I know what I weighed when we got married and I know what I weigh now. It's not the same, but it's not that far off....

But then, I have carried three children, including a set of twins. And honestly there are some things from which the female body just never fully recovers.

One of those is carrying twins to 36 weeks and two days.

You haven't lived until you look down at your ever expanding belly and you can see an imprint of a head on the right, the indentation of someone else's butt on the left and three foot prints sticking out near your belly button.

I think the fourth foot was perpetually tap dancing on my bladder.

What I'm trying to say is, the weight may be the same, but the package has shifted.

Too much?

Sorry.

About a month later we had arrived home in Ky. My dad was in town catching up after a long summer apart from his girls when Andy announced

Hey! You should try your dress on now.

Did I mention my mother-in-law was there too?

She was.

Nothing like facing the music with an audience. An audience that remembers what I looked like in the dress on that glorious day.

When I was 22. Not 34.

You know, back when my boobs were closer to my chin than they were to my belly button.

Andy rummaged through our guest room closet, tore into the box and there it was, just as lovely as I'd remembered it.

Then, like a shy teenager getting ready for prom I told him to

get out of here while I try this thing on.

It's at this point, I'm still pretty sure I gonna zip this puppy up and come marching outta there shouting

Look at me! I'm ten kinds of awesome. You doubted my ability to suck it in?

Puh-lease.

There was only one problem. Actually it was about six inches worth of problem.

That was the six inches of zipper that wouldn't go up because my back had spread from here to Texas.

I got past my belly just fine, it was the stinkin rib cage that had me in a pickle.

So after a bit of weeping (me) and texting with Sarah (Andy pretending to be me) it was decided that we would just figure a way to rig the back and only take shots from the front.

Not exactly ideal.

So when the evening arrived for the big photo shoot I rode (in my half zipped dress) out to the site with Sarah and our friend Whitney (in her fully zipped dress). We were meeting two other "brides" there and when we hopped out of the car I casually said to Sarah

You know, maybe you could just give it a go. Yank that zipper up for me, you think?

So girlfriend spread her feet out to get her bearings, grabbed hold of the zipper and yelled

Suck it in, girl!

And zzzzzzzzzzzzzzziiiiiiiiiiiiippppppppppppppp!!!!

IT WAS UP!

I couldn't breath, it was all weirdly bunched in the middle, but IT WAS CLOSED.

TAKE THAT ANDY GREEN! (Those may or may not have been my exact ~~words~~ thoughts.)

I didn't know the other two mamas that were going to be posing with us, but they cheered so loudly for me that they became life long friends then and there.

Like just added their names to the Christmas card list friends.

We had a really great time.

And I'm so glad I did it.

But I'm pretty sure if she expects me to be ready to do it again in another eleven years, I need to cut back on the Mike & Ikes.

And the gestating of twins.

.........................................................

If you are in the central Kentucky area and you're needing to update that family photo that's been hanging over the fireplace since 1987 Sarah Doyle's your girl. She has a great eye and she's wonderfully patient with kids.

And 34 year old women who talk too much.

You can find her here.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to beg her to take the girls photo for our upcoming Christmas card.

Because we all know what happens when I try to do it.......

It Never Hurts to Ask

2011-10-19T15:18:00.000-04:00

The Littles have a new favorite game. It's called ring the doorbell, give the dog a panic attack, talk to mama and then

do it all over again.

It's memories in the making.

Wanna see?

And now some words:

* Yes, that's the same dress Anna was wearing in the Jonah video. It's the best twirling dress we've got. She wears it every time it's clean. And sometimes when it isn't.

* Emily is completely enamored with all things baby. Real babies, baby dolls, baby bottles. She wants to love them and squeeze them and apparently hold them by the head. I did do alot of fancy finagling when they were babies. I even nursed one while changing another, but I don't think I've held an infant by the cranium.

Basically, I just want you to know she didn't get that from the mama.

* The front yard looks like a tornado tore it to shreds. That storm was actually me. I borrowed the neighbors electric hedge trimmers and got a smidge carried away. And then it rained for two days and I ~~wouldn't~~ couldn't clean it up.

But don't you worry, it's not there anymore because ~~the wind blew it all away~~ I cleaned it up.

*About the multiple mentions of Chick-fil-a. It's not that we go there alot. They just really like it.

Really.

In other news, one of my Littles is fully potty trained. Like all the way, big girl panties and all. The other one doesn't give a ~~toot~~ hoot. At all. I'm not gonna name any names, but the one in the fancy pants really likes to tell the story of Jonah and the one in the pull-em-ups is currently napping with 15 baby dolls in her bed. And a happy meal toy. And three books.

You do the math.

The Wrong Long Road Home, Part Two

2011-10-11T10:02:00.005-04:00

So there we were, driving around, ignoring the GPS which led us astray in the first place, trying to figure out which way to go.

And by that I mean we were both looking at maps.....on our cell phones. Because who has room in their vehicle for a giant atlas when you have to pack things like ~~fruit snacks and Mount@in Dew~~ dried fruit and distilled water?

(My dad, the king of atlases and AAA Trip Tiks, just got a little lightheaded.)

(I know what I'm getting for Christmas.)

It would be fun to tell you that a bearded man with an axe jumped in front of the car and scared the stink out of us but then turned out to be a very kind animal whisperer who offered to pull our car back to the interstate with his bare hands while playing a fiddle.

But that would be a lie.

And you know I don't like to exaggerate.

Really we just wandered our way back to the (wrong) state route we had been on all the while the GPS is

STILL FUSSING AT US ABOUT THE DANG U-TURN.

And I may have started to giggle.

And Andy may have said

Please don't blog about this.

Hi babe!

By the time we actually made our way to the interstate we'd managed to add an hour to our trip.

Hooray for the grown-ups!

But at least the view was a little better...

When we finally rolled into the hotel parking lot Andy and I were exhausted, annoyed and slightly jittery. (Someone whose name rhymes with Llama may have taken a few too many Excedrin.)

It was El Paso 2003 all over again.

Only we have three children who had been strapped down like mental patients all day and they wanted to PLAY and EAT and

TALK SO VERY LOUD BECAUSE WE'RE SO EXCITED TO BE FREE!

We did what any responsible parents would do. We ordered chinese, unplugged the hotel phone so Emily could chat with all her peeps without calling Japan and unrolled the hide-a-bed which was screaming to be jumped on.

It's a like a rule. Jumping on hotel beds.

Really.

And while the girlies got all their giggles and wiggles out, we calmly laid down on our bed, held hands and stared blankly at the television as the realization that we get to do all over again the next day, and the next day, and the next day started to settle in.

Heaven help us.

The Wrong Long Road Home, Part One

2011-10-08T21:35:00.004-04:00

Many moons ago, way before there was a Gaggle, or even Google for that matter, Andy and I were in El Paso, Texas where he was playing AA ball for the Diamondbacks.

(Okay, apparently Google did exist then. We were just too poor to own a computer and communicated with Morse code. I just learned of the birth date of the Google by Googling it. I also just used a noun as a verb. And you knew exactly what I meant. Who's using Morse code now, huh?)

Anyhoo, on the very last day of the season we decided that we would drive as far as we could that night and just stop when we got tired.

We were very ready to get out of El Paso.

I will let you deal with that information as you wish.

Also going on that day was the Kentucky/Louisville college football game. Which I dutifully recorded on our 13 inch tv/vcr.

Yes, it was VHS, why do you ask?

So we went ahead with the plan. I drove while Andy watched the game in the car. On the annoyingly bulky 13 inch tv/vcr combo which was resting on his lap. While he kinda hunched over weird to see the screen because our little car was so crammed he couldn't push the seat back.

He was dedicated.

When the game ended he was fired up. I can't remember if it was because we won or we lost, but he was wired. (I'm sure if he was here he would be able to tell me the exact score, who threw for what and what the weather was like. He's a little scary that way).

Moral of that story is, he drank some Mount@in Dew and declared that he

WAS NOT TIRED. AT ALL.

So by morning we were in Memphis which was about six hours from home. Never having stopped at a hotel to sleep. Never having really eaten much, because who eats at 3 am?

And the Dewski was no longer working.

By the time we walked into my parents house in Lexington, we were a mess. A stinky, overtired, slightly jittery mess.

After sleeping for three days, we vowed we would never do that again.

So this season, as we were planning the trek home Andy suggested that we drive a little after his last game (which was in the morning) to take some of the hours off the long days of our trip and hopefully make it somewhat easier for the girls.

I love a man with a plan.

That day arrived and after loading up the last of our stuff and saying goodbye to our Arizona buddies we hit the road to pick up Daddy at the field. I drove first while Andy finished his game reports on his laptop.

I had flashbacks of the 13 inch t.v. incident. Only it was smaller. And it had wi-fi.

And Andy didn't yell at it for three hours.

Moving on. Things were fine, except for the fact that I had a sinus/allergy headache that was trying it's darndest to turn into a migraine. And Andy was trying to finish his report while the girls were enjoying The Sound of Music.

Again.

And I was driving in the mountains of AZ with the squeakiest brakes you've ever heard.

Ever.

Due to all these issues when we stopped a few hours later to switch drivers and let ~~Mommy~~ Lainey go to the bathroom, we missed a turn.

There's a state route that cuts through parts of AZ into NM that cuts nearly 70 miles off the trip from Phoenix to Albuquerque (our destination for the night). When you're going to be driving for four days, you do what you can to save time.

And your sanity.

Unfortunately, we didn't realize that anything was amiss until we turned onto this

Don't worry children,

THE ADULTS HAVE EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL.

The whole time we're driving through this lovely desert trailer park Lainey is saying

why doesn't this look like the interstate? Are we lost, mom?

And Lola, the lovely but monotone GPS voice is saying

Make a u-turn, if possible.

Really, what makes you think that would be a good idea?

Huhn.

Yep, this could be a problem.

The Gospel According to Anna

2011-08-21T00:13:00.003-04:00

During the summer months we don't usually attend church regularly. We've visited countless different places of worship in tens of towns, but rarely do we get to spend quality time at one place.

But this season, thanks to the Rookie ball schedule that includes no road trips, and day games to avoid monsoon season, we've been able to attend a great church that we love nearly every weekend.

I've gotta be honest, it's really shining through in the girls lives.

Especially Anna Grace.

Maybe I'm a little biased but she could be the next Beth Moore......

A few thoughts:

If you watched the whole thing, bless your heart, again. I'm not tech savvy in the slightest and I have no clue how to shorten/edit a video. It's a slight miracle that I got it on the blog at all seeing as my computer isn't speaking to me. Again.

I am using Andy's work computer and doing my best not to post this on his game day reports.

Sorry, Skipper!

Sister doesn't have clown feet, she's wearing Lainey's socks and shoes. These days I don't really get much say in how they dress, I'm just happy when they aren't naked.

She talks with her hands. Alot.

No idea where that came from.

I'm gonna email Beth Moore now. Don't be surprised if her next book is called

"Dolphins Poo and God Loves You"

It's got best seller written all over it.

Frogs and Snails and Puppy-Dog's Tails

2011-08-04T03:00:00.001-04:00

Thanks to our current living situation our girls have had a whole new world open up to them.

Boy toys.

Well shoot, that doesn't sound right. Um, what I mean is since the family we are living with has two male children that would mean that they have play things which would usually be attributed to the male gender.

You know, boy toys.

Anyhoo, our apartment attaches to the main house through the playroom. Which means it looks like Toy's R Us vomited in our living room most of the time.

Meaning things are carrying on as usual despite the small living quarters.

(Mama may be lacking in organizational skills.)

(And by lacking, I mean I have none.)

(But I'm really good with parentheses.)

So the girls have been tracking with Thomas and stacking primary colored legos (instead of pink ones), pushing Tonka trucks and shooting Buzz Lightyear's ray gun.

To infinity and beyond.

And I'm fine with that.

Want to pretend you're a fireman? Go for it, sister.

Feel like shooting Daddy with a water gun? The thought has crossed my mind a time or five.

Like using the Handy Manny tool kit? Who wouldn't!

But I have to draw the line somewhere.

Because when I'm unloading the dishwasher and step back onto this,

It makes me ~~want to~~ run screaming all the way to Target for some Polly Pockets and an Easy Bake Oven.

Seriously.

Tuesday Bulletin

2011-08-02T16:26:00.004-04:00

I had to actually look at the calendar to see if it was indeed Tuesday.

Welcome to baseball world. Where all your days are the same.

Andy's team just switched to day games to avoid the evening monsoons. Which means the girls and I no longer attend games. Which is unfortunate because that's their very favorite activity. But it's 109* at 11 am. I start sweating just thinking about loading all three girls in the car. Sit through 9 innings without shade? I don't fink so.

We are very much looking forward to heading home at the end of the month. And by we, I mean me. Me is very much looking forward to heading home at the end of the month.

Anna is talking up a storm. All day. Every day.

She also sings songs. Loudly.

Emily's new favorite thing to do is spit.

I told her we only spit outside.

Andy told her girls don't spit.

Whoopsie daisy.

We went to a splash park today, I didn't put the girls ear plugs in. And I left the towels on a chair at home.

Mom of the year!

I went to the same ENT that did the girls tubes for recurring ear pain. He thinks it's TMJ.

No more gum chewing for me.

I like gum.

Bummer.

Remember I mentioned getting caught in a huge dust storm with the girls? You may also recall that I joked about therapy?

Turns out it was no laughing matter.

All three girls have FREAKED out on two separate occasions when it got windy.

My bad.

The movie of choice these days is Mary Poppins. Which is really Maria VonTrapp in a wig. I thought maybe the homeless bird lady in the movie would startle Lainey. No, she's concerned that the bank won't give us our tuppence (money). I assured her we could get our funds when we need them.

Probably shouldn't let her watch the news.

Kinda worried that if I wait any longer to start potty training, I'm gonna miss the window.

Whatever that is.

Can this be something that I hire out?

Is there such a thing as potty camp?

Someone should start this. They'd make millions.

Anyone? Hello?

{crickets}

Happy Tuesday, everybody.

If it really is Tuesday.

Sleep Issues, We've Got Em

2011-07-29T18:59:00.005-04:00

You may recall that I mentioned nap time wasn't going so well around these parts.
I believe the word I used was

crappy.

So, do you know what happens when little girls stay up til nearly midnight ~~running amuck at the ball fields~~ watching their daddy's baseball games and then don't rest during the day?

This.

That would be Emily on the left. Snoozing away without a care in the world. At seven o'clock in the evening. And Anna Grace is on the right. Wearing her

good heavens, how did I get here

look.

Because I just dragged her sleeping little booty out of the car while muttering to myself,

see! I knew you were tired! You NEED to take a nap.....blah, blah, blah.

And this one's for my mama. Proof that I exist. And that I can't get a tan, even when I live in the desert.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shout out to Alysa B for taking these pics with her nifty new lens.

If You're in Need of a Giggle or Five

2011-07-22T18:14:00.003-04:00

Now let me preface this by saying the link I'm about to share with you contains mucho swearing.

Mucho.

BUT if you can get over that then this is one of the funniest blog posts I've ever read.

That or the walls of our one bedroom apartment are starting to close in on me and I'm getting slap happy.

Or I'm over-tired from staying up late to try to see my hubby after games and getting up early(ish) with the girls.

Either way, I read this last night and laughed so hard, I cried.

But really, if you're not a fan of the cussing, then just skip it.

And if you are a fan of the cussing, then bully for you.

Just do me a favor, don't tell my mom I sent you all to this.

And for the record, I cannot WAIT for our fifteenth anniversary.

www.thebloggess.com/2011/06/and-thats-why-you-should-learn-to-pick-your-battles/

I Have Only Myself to Blame

2011-07-17T19:30:00.008-04:00

Right when we walked into our first rental back in March I thought two things:

A) Wow! Andy did a great job picking this one and

2) Good heavens, the land lady did not get the memo about three ~~destructive~~ small children because the tchotchkes and bric-a-brac were everywhere.

Lots of sports memorabilia and grapes.

Plastic, not real.

The grapes, I mean.

But after I moved all the fun stuff to higher ground and established some serious rules about the NON-TOUCHING of the EYE LEVEL TO A PRESCHOOLER flat screen television I felt pretty good about our situation.

But what I didn't realize was I should have been preaching to someone a little taller.

Someone who is a little clumsy, somewhat klutzy and claims to be in charge of this circus.

Me.

Yes indeedy, the very first week we were there I tossed a pillow from the bed in the dark of night, for what reason, I'm not sure and totally took out the floor lamp on my side.

It seems I'd forgotten where I was.

That happens to me ~~quite often~~ sometimes in the night.

I blame baseball.

And too much caffeine.

Anyhoo, the noise woke both of us and I jumped up to turn on the light only I couldn't because

it was lying on the floor. Completely severed in half.

Good news, it still worked.

Bad news, it was hanging by a thread. If pottery has threads.

~~Okay it was hanging by a shard.~~

It was in bad shape.

A few weeks later I was vacuuming our bed* while I had a grumpy Emily on my hip when I smelled something burning. Which was odd. But I continued on because someone-who-shall-remain-nameless gets a little irritated when he crawls into bed at night and finds crumbs on his side.

I don't know what his problem is.

But I was being a good wife, working to get all the crumbs out of his side while trying to comfort Em who was not enjoying the noise and the STENCH that was now coming from the vacuum.

When finally I turned to check out what the problem was I screamed because there was a foot of

smoke rising from the hoover.

A FOOT.

OF ACTUAL SMOKE.

LIKE THE KIND ASSOCIATED WITH FIRE.

I screamed, dropped fussypants onto the bed and jerked the machine back only to see

Andy's favorite shorts,

lying on the ground, with a

huge hole burned into the waistband.

His favorite, irreplaceable, lastspring-trainingwiththeMets shorts.

Son of a gun.

Did I mention that the Mr. came home right in the middle of all this?

And that our room REEKED for hours afterward?

A stinky reminder of his loss.

And my awesomeness.

Thankfully, the vacuum seemed to be okay, and we managed to muddle through the next few months without further incident.

From me.

Then three days before we were to be out (two days before we found out we weren't going to Montana) I was in the bathroom getting ready for the day when I heard Emily say

Uh-oh.

Listen, if a two-year-old says those words, you know it's bad.

And it was.

She had torn a strip of wallpaper right off the wall.

Fan-flippin-tastic.

It seemed to be a pretty clean tear, so I thought I might be able to salvage it.

With the super glue that I'd purchased to repair the lamp.

Only I didn't get a chance to use it because Andy had already told on me (punk**) and the owners weren't too upset about the lamp's demise.

So later that day I got the girls settled with a snack and their pal Dora (because one should never trust toddlers around glue of any sort).

I sat down and eyeballed the strip a few times, lining it up and measuring like I knew exactly what was going on and then I just went for it.

Squeezed that super glue out and then carefully placed the strip back onto the wall.

Eureka! Perfect! YES! MAMA RULES! Wait a minute...um, i seem to have...uh, humphff...this could be a problem....

Lainey! Hurry and get mama a washcloth!

Why?

I've glued my thumb to the wall!

Why'd you do that?

JUST GET THE WASHCLOTH!

run, run, scamper, scamper

Great job, sweets! No, no wait, mama needs it to be wet...

run, run, scamper, scamper

I can't reach the sink, mama.

Why not!?!?

Cuz, you're sitting on the stool.

And so I was.

And that's when I knew that they only way I was gonna get out of this one was to

rip another hole in the paper.

Son of a stinkin' gun.

I managed to scrape some of it off and kinda hodge-podged it back onto the wall.

To add injury to insult, my thumb was bright red for days.

But all's well that ends well because at our walk-through a few days later the owner didn't even mention it.

When I thanked her for the extra time she had generously given me to get our stuff out she said

No problem, I just had to reschedule the work-crew I have coming in.

Oh yeah, are you remodeling?

No, nothing major.

They're just stripping the wallpaper.

Son of a stinkity-stink gun.

________________________________________________________

* I may or may not have needed to remove the crumbs because I may or may not have consumed half a bag of barbecue potato chips during rest time.

** He's not a punk. He's actually quite wonderful. Not once did he fuss at me for ruining his beloved shorts. Or for serving chicken for a record 47 nights in a row from March into April.

In Which I Make a Total (Ha)Boob of Myself

2011-07-14T17:57:00.008-04:00

Otherwise entitled

A Text Story

So last Tuesday Andy had an off day. We had gone out to eat that evening and he was kind enough to fill up the gas tank for the mama. I give you that riveting information because I want you to realize that we had JUST been outside. A few minutes after getting settled at the apartment, a good friend from KY sent me this text :

Wanna know why I asked about the picture texts? Because I'm the ninny that put shoes on her kids and leased up the dog to check out the so-called dust storm. Then proceeded to let the four year old walk the dog. Then saw a GIANT wall of dirt in the distance. Then paused long enough to take/text a pic:

The actual photo I sent:

I'm sure you all know what happened next. The big old dust cloud was moving faster than I realized and the very minute I caught up to the girls and told them it'd probably be best if we headed back towards home

it was on us.

And by on us, I mean we couldn't see, we were crunching grit in our teeth and I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry.

Lainey totally flipped and threw the dog leash in the air, while the girls just froze. Their poor little minds could not compute this craziness.

So I grabbed the leash, grabbed the babies by the wrists and instructed Lainey to

RUN!

She was so disoriented she ran directly into the street.

So I fussed again,

Follow the sidewalk and RUN! we are right behind you. GO!

And run we did.

All the way to the front yard of the Myer's house where Corey was taking their flag down and laughing at the idiots who were outside in the storm. He was kind enough to let us in their door and we watched the rest of it unfold from their living room.

Yes, I know I spelled license wrong. That still bothers me.

Yes, the girls are fine. It only took three baths to get all the grit out of their hair.

And I'm sure with a few weeks ~~months~~ of therapy, they won't even remember the incident.

I hope.

ha·boob (h-bb)
n.
A penetrating sandstorm or dust storm with violent winds, occurring chiefly in Arabia, North Africa, and India.

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2009. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

For more photos of this craziness, go here

I Should've Seen it Coming - Part Three

2011-07-06T15:02:00.003-04:00

Very soon after the dumping of all our worldly possessions (at least what we needed for the season) into Jill's garage it became clear that we needed to find a more permanent place to dwell.

And by permanent I mean at least through August.

In baseball terms two and half months is a very long time.

Really.

Jill had said that we could stay as long as we needed, but she had already promised the house to some of her family for a week, not to mention she and the boys were coming home after the all-star break.

And the real clincher was the fact that it was a 45 minute (on a good day) drive for Andy to get to the field. Not really ideal at 1 a.m. when he's tired from a game.

Also not too fun when Daddy forgets his work laptop and Mommy has to drive it to him. Right after getting the girls into the pool.

Three bathing suits, three bodies slathered with sunscreen, two swim diapers, four ear plugs, four water wings and one life jacket.

Sure honey, I can load the ladies right up!

Did I say that out loud?

Moving on.

Our first apartment in baseball life was a two bedroom/two bath with an unfinished basement in South Bend, Indiana. Andy and I lived there the entire season.

Along with five other boys.

FIVE.

One of those stinky boys was Corey. We continued to be roommates with him throughout the years and throughout the Diamondbacks minor league system. I was very glad when Caitlin joined the picture because Corey was a lot less stinky with her around.

The last time we'd seen each other, Caitlin was pregnant with their first and I was about 4 minutes pregnant with Lainey.

Before the puking began.

And now, nearly five years later, we are living all together again. The Myers family (Corey, Caitlin, Cole and Christian) live much closer to the field and they have a one bedroom apartment attached to their house.

Yes, you read that correctly. One bedroom.

But you know what? It's working out really well.

I'm not joking.

For starters, it's a big bedroom. And we have a full kitchen, our own entrance and a washer/dryer. We've most definitely been in worse situations.

I would even call this one good.

Except at nap time.

Nap time sucks.

But the best part? The girls LOVE playing with the Myers boys and our apartment attaches to their house through the PLAYROOM.

They are in "new toy" heaven.

And for us grown-ups, it's just like old times.

Plus five kids.

Which means it's nothing like the old times.

It's better.

Nothing Says Independence Day Like.....

2011-07-03T13:42:00.004-04:00

Expressing your opinions

loudly

and getting tossed from your first game.

*********************************************************************

You stink!

And your feet, they stink!

And your mama, she stinks too!!

muttering, muttering, stupid, muttering...

The girls knew nothing of it. They missed it thanks to Popsicles that were melting at the speed of light. They didn't really notice he was gone until he wasn't available for the game ending hugs.

Then they cried.

But quickly recovered when they realized they could hug Leila's dad.

Please note, that those may not have been his exact words. I was busy making sure my little friends didn't see Daddy fussing at the said stinky umpire.

Also, I may have asked my friend Alysa to take the above pictures for ~~bribery~~ posterity.

I am a great wife.

The boys did come back from behind to win the game for their exiled coach.

I know some of you are greatly concerned that I haven't finished the I Should Have Seen it Coming Posts. Rest assured, no one is sleeping in the mini-van, I'm just behind in blogging.

That last statement basically sums up my life these days. Behind - I'm always trying to catch up on something and

I'm always wiping them.

Happy Independence Day, Everybody!

I Should've Seen it Coming - Part Two

2011-06-29T18:03:00.001-04:00

So now I'm headed home from the car wash, yelling out the window at random strangers asking if they have a room available.

For the five of us. And the dog. And our stuff.

Okay, we may need two rooms.

I'm kidding. I would never do such a thing.

I was actually blind dialing my phone, asking whoever answered if they would take my children.

My poor homeless children.

I kid.

Again.

What I really did was call our friends (baseball people) who are currently with the Mets. They live here in the area and I knew that their house would be empty at least until school started.

Plus, we had just visited them the past week while Jill and the boys were home catching up on things while their daddy was on a long road trip.

They were literally leaving the next morning to head back to their daddy and New York and sweet Jilly said

Sure! Stay as long as you want...here's the garage code...

And I got to call Andy back before I even got home to say

It's all good. We have a place to sleep.

Go me.

What I didn't realize until I walked into the door was that I was about to do this move all by my little self.

Oh, except I did have help from the girls.

So long as you define help as tearing wallpaper, peeing your pants and dropping pizza on the carpet. Of the house that you're trying to get the deposit back.

Sigh.

Anyhoo, since Andy was now the manager of a team that he knew very little about he had loads to catch up on and about two days worth of meetings and practices in which to do it before the first game. He helped me load up as much as he could and then buried himself in emails and phone calls.

I called the folks that we were going to be living with in Missoula to explain that we weren't actually coming. And then the owner of the current house to ask for a few more hours in the morning, explaining that I was moving our belongings myself and it would take a few trips.

So now I have til noon.

Easy peasy.

Once the girls were in bed I cleaned and tossed junk ~~and drank the last of the Mike's H@rd Lemon@de Margaritas~~ so that I could get ready to take the first load over as soon as I could in the morning.

When the sun rose we kissed Daddy goodbye as he headed off to work as his first day as a manager and then got our booties moving.

It's at this point I just have to say that we are very blessed to have a great group of friends. They are spread from here to kingdom come and they put up with our traveling and craziness and love us despite it. So at one point when I was feeling overwhelmed I called one of those friends and said

I need you to pray for me. I'm moving by myself this morning and my little people are not getting the memo to cooperate. Plus it's 112* outside and mama doesn't like to sweat.

And do you know what this dear gal did? She prayed. Right then. Over the phone.

Didn't say,

I sure will. You have a good day now.

She just did it.

Love that.

Anyhoo, after having a helpmesweetJesus moment in the bathroom I got my butt in gear and loaded up the girls. We took the first load over and dumped it all in the garage of Jill's house. Then we came back for the second load and I ran around like a toddler on sugar swiping, wiping, vacuuming and dusting anything that was sitting still. I was just putting the last of the fresh sheets back on the beds when the owner came in to do the walk through and give us the deposit back.

I might have been soaking wet from sweat, but she didn't mention anything.

Which was kind.

She handed me the check, I loaded the girls and the dog in the van and drove off into the sun.

Still sweating.

But feeling accomplished.

Until I remember that there was a garage full of belongings to dig through at the next house and a van load of stuff to clean out.

Not to mention I couldn't find my belt.

Mama needs her belt.

But at least we had a place to sleep.

For now.

Until we move again.

The next week.

To be continued......

I Should've Seen it Coming - Part One

2011-06-24T18:26:00.005-04:00

Andy played professional baseball for eleven seasons. We've lived in ten-plus cities, nearly fifty states, and two countries.

Okay, that may be an exaggeration.

It's probably 53 states.

My math skills are a little fuzzy.

I blame the children.

We move at least twice a year, and that's when things are slow. Kentucky is our home base (pun totally intended) which we return to every fall. When we were building our house there we told the guy who was helping us pick our appliances that we just like to be close to the family for the holidays.

Starting with Halloween and working our way through Valentines Day.

Then we are outta there!

I'm pretty sure that poor man is still trying to figure out what we do.

Anyhoo, as a player, when spring training is coming to an end you don't always know for sure where you are going. Then once you get there you don't know how long your stay will be. You could get sent up, sent down, released or traded. This uncertainty is an every day reality of the life of a minor league ball player.

And his wife.

So when I was chatting with a friend this winter about Andy's retirement from playing and his subsequent decision to stay in the game by coaching she said,

Aren't you tired of all the traveling and packing and whatnot?

To which I replied,

Well, at least with coaching we'll know exactly where we are going and how long we'll be there.

Had I been paying attention there's good chance I'd have heard a snorting sound from heaven. There are many times when the words that come out of my mouth crack the good Lord up.

This was one of them.

Andy was hired to be the Missoula Osprey hitting coach, one of three rookie league teams within the Arizona Diamondbacks organization. The rookie ball season doesn't start until after the MLB Draft which occurs in June. We came to Phoenix the first of March and knew we were staying there until mid June when we would make the trek up to Montana to start the season.

With both cars, the car top carrier, three children and the dog.

You know, the usual parade of craziness.

Well.

Two days before we were scheduled to leave for Montana there was what we shall call some organizational restructuring. The manager for the AZL Diamondbacks (the rookie ball team in Phoenix) was involuntarily removed from his position.

Okay, he was fired.

When Andy came home with that news I was knee deep in suitcases and cleaning supplies trying to pack and clean enough to get our deposit back. I said to him

should I keep packing?

Because I've been doing this a long time. I know how this works. If you think you're going somewhere in this game,

you don't.

And if you aren't planning on change,

it will.

He said

Of course you should keep packing. I've not even been a hitting coach in a real game yet, they aren't gonna make me a manager. Besides our lease is up on this house anyway.

Oh yeah. Forgot about that.

So I continued ~~procrastinating~~ packing for the next 48 hours right up to the point that I had Lainey with me at the car wash, cleaning out the car so we could make another huge mess in it on our drive up to Missoula the next day.

Then Andy called me and said

Stop cleaning.

Ha! I knew it!

I said,

Congratulations! That's amazing! You're a manager! Where the heck are we gonna live?

And he said,

I don't know. Can you call someone?

Now here's where the spit hits the fan. Because in eleven years of doing this thing we call baseball life I have NEVER been in charge of procuring the housing.

EVER.

He always takes care of finding apartments, townhouses, basements, vans down by the river for us to call home.

ALWAYS.

But now he is buried to his neck in emails and phones calls and impromptu meetings and I get to finish packing, loading the cars and getting us out of our (help me Jesus, CLEAN!) rental by nine the next morning.

If only I knew where we we going......

To be continued

Some Saturday Silliness

2011-06-11T17:35:00.002-04:00

You know you're the mother of lots o' little people when this

is going to the bathroom alone.

Totally Tubular

2011-06-03T14:47:00.003-04:00

This past winter my Littles had a combined total of 10 ear infections.

Ten.

Bless their hearts, it seemed like just as soon as they finished the antibiotics we had about a week before we were headed back to the pediatrician's office.

I asked if we could get a group discount on our co-pays.

That was a negative.

During Anna and Emily's two year check-up in February I mentioned my concern about all of the antibiotic intake and our sweet nurse said that they were right on the bubble of needing tubes.

But hopefully, she said,

once you get to Arizona all that dry air and warm weather will stop the runny noses which are leading to the infections.

A girl can dream.

One week into spring training Anna started getting up in the night. A sure sign of ear pain. Off we went to the new pedi's office and yes indeedy, she had an ear infection. Knowing that my girls like to do things together I asked the NP if she would be willing to look in Emily's ears also.

You know, since we're already here and all.

Two for two!

Sheesh. And bless their hearts.

The next appointment I scheduled was with a highly recommended ENT in the area.

Fast forward a few weeks and both girlies, Daddy and I were headed to the surgery center for tubes times two. Thankfully, my mother-in-law was in town so Lainey didn't have to hang out all morning in a waiting room.

You know, because girlfriend has to get her Curious George and Sesame Street fix or her day just isn't right.

My two main concerns were how they would handle being led away from us, and how well they would wake up. One of the nurses who did the pre-registration (over the phone) mentioned that many times the little ones come out of anesthesia screaming because they are so disoriented.

That sounded like loads of fun.

My little Emily went first and she just drove her little buggy car while the nurse pushed her away. Didn't even look back.

We'll miss you too, Em.

Before they even came to get Anna, a nurse informed me that Emily was already done and ready for some love. I kissed Anna on the head and quickly followed the nurse to the other side of the surgery center where I knew right where my Em was.

Because I could hear her fussing from all the way down the hall.

That hurt my heart.

I scooped her up and we got cozy in a recliner while she tried to come out of the fog she was in. Slowly I began to realize that she wasn't so much disoriented as she was mad. Mad about the monitor they had very securely taped to her big toe. She kept screaming

my foot! my foot! my foot!

Sorry, kiddo. Mama can't do anything about that one.

Seconds later Andy came into the room saying that Anna just took the aide's hand and walked away without a care in the world.

Seriously, I think we need to have the stranger-danger talk.

Soon.

Mere minutes later and Anna was done. We heard her before we saw her. She was freaking out. At this point, Emily had gotten her monitor removed and she was completely back to normal. Drinking out of her sippy, laughing at her daddy's silly faces, picking out princess stickers and staring at Anna like

what the heck is wrong with you?

Anna continued to melt down with such bravado that she plum wore herself out and fell fast asleep.

She slept through the dismissal from the nurses. She slept through the ride home and she even slept through breakfast.

Sister doesn't like to miss a meal.

Once she finally woke up, she and her sweet self were back. And hungry.

Two bowls of cereal, two waffles and a granola bar later all was finally well.

.......................................................................

There were two reasons we had the procedure done. The first being we didn't want to keep stuffing their little immune systems with antibiotics. Too much of a good thing can easily become bad.

The second was, they were behind on their speech. Emily was doing a little better than Anna, but poor Anna sounded very garbled. Kinda like she had a mouth full of marbles.

Don't get me wrong, they were talking a ton.

We just didn't understand a blessed word they were saying.

One afternoon Anna came in from the back yard jabbering and carrying on. She was pointing and motioning and I was catching nothing.

Not a word.

And I told her that.

Sugar, I'm so sorry, but I don't know what you need. Can you try again?

So she did. Again. And again for good measure.

When she didn't get the response she wanted from me she threw herself onto the ground and sobbed.

Bless her heart.

So now you're wondering, did it help?

Well.

Last week the girls had a cold (yes, they always do these things together).

This week we are playing in the gym, antibiotic free.

YAY!

And as far as their speech goes?

Be careful what you ask for.

It doesn't stop. From morning til night.

All.Day.Long.

It's wonderful.

Except for gems like this one.

A: Mom, where's my dink (drink)?

Me: In the kitchen.

A: Go get it.

It's probably a good thing I haven't been understanding her til now.

A very good thing.

Pants on the Ground (A Rerun)

2011-05-27T03:00:00.000-04:00

It's been a long day. The Littles have staged a nap revolt which is kicking my tail. Literally and figuratively. Mama's tired, but I can't leave that picture of a booger up all weekend, now can I? So here's a little something that I posted last year. Hope it gives you a giggle. I'm almost to the point where I can look back on it and laugh.

Almost.

One afternoon this off-season my husband declared he'd had enough. Nearly ten years of marriage and he just couldn't take it anymore. His exact words were

Will you please pull your pants up!?!

I just smiled at him and moved on, because I was doing all I could.

I had my belt on for crying out loud.

Later, I was reclining on the couch, reading the paper and I felt someone staring at me. I looked up to see my sweet man, leering over me, swinging an old phone charger cord. I was pretty sure he wasn't getting ready to strangle me, but I relaxed a little when he said

Stand up, I'm gonna measure you.

Well, sure you are honey. I'm sure that's exactly what Vera Wang uses in a pinch.

He "measured" my waist, my hips, my legs, my knees and my bust. The last one was purely for him.

Silly boy.

After calculating all of his very precise measurements and lots of deep sighing he came to a startling realization.

I was missing six inches in the booty department.

Stop laughing.

Most jeans have a difference of approximately 10 inches between the waist and the largest part of the hips.

I have four.

Which totally explains the parking lot incident.

Ready for this one? I was taking all three gals in for groceries and knew I needed a cart. So I had a baby on each hip and Lainey holding my back jean pocket.

It was a fool-proof plan.

Until she tripped.

And pulled them down.

Which wouldn't have been a big deal except my panties went with them.

And I couldn't pull them up, because of said baby in each arm.

It's at this point that I would like to sincerely apologize to the mama walking behind us. Thank you for giggling quietly. Forgive me for mooning you. And your child. I hope you shielded her eyes from the glare. Here's hoping we never meet again. Ever.

I digress.

When my hubby gets something in his head, he doesn't relax until he knows everything about the subject. He researched inseams, pocket placement, proper measurement and things I didn't even know mattered. For a few days, I would find random pairs of pants lying on the bathroom floor where he had measured them.

And clearly forgotten to put them away.

I then knew he was completely serious when he mentioned a four letter word.

M-A-L-L.

For the record, in the twins entire first year of life we had been to the mall as a family exactly zero times.

So off we went. First stop, Chik-fil-A. Second stop, Macy's.

I tried on more jeans than I care to mention, but miracle upon miracles, there was a certain brand that FIT. I nearly shouted with joy. Until I saw the price tag. And then I teared up.

Those stinkin' dressing rooms can be such an emotional roller coaster.

But, what I didn't realize was this was purely research. My man had a plan.

It's called ebay.

So no more saggy bottom drawers for this mama. I am now the proud owner of three pairs of proper fitting jeans.

But I still wear a belt.

One can never be too careful.

The Nose Knows

2011-05-26T03:00:00.001-04:00

The other night Andy and I were sitting on the couch while the Little people were talking amongst themselves. Anna came up to me, gabbing and waving her hands.

My noce iz init.

What, honey?

My noce iz init!

I'm sorry, baby, mommy doesn't understand. What are you saying?

MY NOCE IZ INIT!

And then she slapped this on my finger.

And that very moment her words became disgustingly clear.

my nose is in it.

Next week we start working on sentence structure.

The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

2011-05-25T03:00:00.000-04:00

Good

Turns out the Mr. looks just as fantastic in the uniform as a coach...

as he did when he was a player.

Shew.

Bad

The Littles weren't too sure about said man in the baseball uniform. I don't know if it was the hat, the shades or the combination of the two, but they weren't impressed. They wouldn't hug him, let alone stand near him for a photo.

It could be a long season.

(Emily scanning the field for her Daddy, seeing a bunch of look-a-likes, then heading back to the stroller in search of some vittles).

(Anna disgusted with Mommy because

Yoo sed going to Daddy's wurk. Daddy not here. Tan I have a snack?)

Ugly.

Mama forgot to pack snacks.

The end.

so long, farewell (for nana)

2011-05-23T03:00:00.003-04:00

Update: I fixed the video so that it's no longer marked "private". So sorry about that! Have a great day.

Although I call Kentucky home, I was actually born in Ohio. My dad had a few different jobs over the years that required our little family of four to move. On more than one occasion my mom, younger brother and I had to stay behind while we waited for the house to sell or the school year to end.

During one of those seasons of life, my mom decided it would be a great time to introduce us to that great American treasure,

the musical.

We still refer to it as

the Summer of Musicals.

We watched Oklahoma, The Music Man, My Fair Lady, Mary Poppins, Bye, Bye Birdie, South Pacific, Fiddler on the Roof, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers and the list goes on and on (and on).

When you bring it up with my brother, he starts to twitch a little.

He'll be fine.

But me, I LOVED it. The songs, the dancing, the stories, all of it.

Because there's nothing like a show tune to teach a life lesson. I mean, it's a story put to music and music put in a story. Genius!

Like when I'm scrubbing the girls in the tub and bust out with

I'm gonna wash that man right outa my hair

they know not to settle for anyone less than perfect.

And last week when we were attempting the whole potty training thing I was humming the tune to

Shipoopi from the Music Man.

It seemed appropriate.

Maybe it comes naturally to my girls, or maybe they can't help it because it's been practically forced upon them, but my girls have caught the bug.

They love The Sound of Music. And by love I mean they sing the songs from it

all.day.long.

Every day.

And so, in honor of Nana (my mom), who once ~~forced~~ shared the joy ~~upon~~ with me, here are my girls singing their current favorite tune.....

A few thoughts....

A) Clearly Lainey has entered the 4 year old bossy pants stage. It's loads of fun. And she's so serious about putting on her "show" she tells her beloved daddy to hush up.

I love it.

B) At about the 42 second mark when Anna (pink bow) lays down in the doorway, it's not because she's lazy or suffers from narcolepsy. She's playing the part of Gretl, waiting for her older sister to whisk her off her feet and carry her up the stairs.

Which is slightly unfortunate because her real older sister can barely lift her two inches off the ground and we are currently living in a one story

ranch.

C) Emily (purple bow). Oh Em. You've got to give this girl credit. Even though she runs into the wall (TWICE) she still comes back out to sing.

Because the show, it must go on.

D) Ham. Every family needs one, ours happens to be Anna Grace. I think all that chin bobbing really helped her nail that high note at the end.

E) If you watched that whole video, you may just qualify for sainthood.

Or maybe you should become a nun.........

2011-05-19T00:58:00.002-04:00

Imitation is the sincerest of flattery.
*Charles Caleb Colton, Lacon, volume I, no. 183
(1780 - 1832)

{Emily}

PottyGate Update Part True

2011-05-17T03:00:00.002-04:00

Despite what you may have gathered from yesterday's photos, things have not gone well on the old potty train.

Emily teased me early in day one. She happened to be sitting on the pot (finishing breakfast) when she started to toot so I was able to talk her through number two right off the bat.

That's when I thought

Yes! This isn't gonna be too bad!

Until I said

Good girl, Em, you POOPED ON THE POTTY! YAY!

And she said,

No, I watchin Cat in da Hat. Mo waffull peas (more waffle, please)?

No connection to what just happened.

Know what else she did that day? The stinker held her pee until 1:30 in the afternoon. Guess when she finally went?

While I was in the bathroom.

Oh Irony, we are no longer friends.

Thankfully she did it in the kitchen on the tile.

Unfortunately, she also tried to clean up the huge puddle herself. Which is how I found her. Standing in the buff, swishing pee across the floor with a broom.

I was only gone for 49 seconds.

Anna didn't even really want to sit on the potty for any significant period of time, unless she was being fed sugar.

Chocolate was her treat of choice.

But it took her .2 seconds to down the M&M's and then she was off and running to play.

Thankfully, most of her accidents were on towels strategically placed throughout the vicinity.

By the end of the second day, between the two girls ZERO pee had made it into the pink potties.

Nary a drop.

On top of that, Anna was now holding everything in.

Everything.

And poor Lainey was bored out of her gourd because we couldn't go anywhere.

So this pajama-clad-for-the-second-day mama made an executive decision.

No more die-hard potty training. For now.

We washed the pretty pink undies and put them away. The ladies are wearing pull ups during the day and from time to time they ask to sit on the potty.

We will just take it slow. I never wanted to stress them out or hurt their little digestive systems.

Now the real dilemma is

who in the world is going to eat that giant bag of M&M's I bought to ~~bribe~~ reward them with?

Sigh. The things a mother does for her children......

__________________________________________________________

So I'm in a little bloggy contest with other moms of multiples. Many of whom have blogs that I read! Despite that fact, I would still like to kick their tails. Or at least not come in last. So do this mama a favor, click on the pretty pinkish/purplish link and vote for the Gaggle. Just click on the orange "thumbs-up" next to our blog title.(You can vote every 24 hours until May 30th.) Thanks and goodnight.

PottyGate Update Part One

2011-05-16T03:00:00.003-04:00

This whole potty-training-twins thing is going well.

Really well.

Thanks for asking!

And what about the nice rental-house carpet, you're wondering?

Not a problemo.

The whole process has gone so well, I'm thinking about starting them on long division next week.

Just for kicks.

to be continued.....

Oops, She Did It Again

2011-05-11T03:00:00.001-04:00

My Lainey Bug is just like her mama, in more ways than one. She got my blue eyes, my bird legs and a deep fondness of all things musical.

She also got my superb coordination.

This is me, jumping.

Bless my heart.

And my children who have to overcome such um, issues to get their daddy's athletic ability.

About this time last year, we were in Port St. Lucie, FL for spring training with the Mets. It was unseasonably cool there last spring, so we spent alot of time at the park or going for walks instead of kicking it at the pool like we'd hoped. One night, right at the beginning of one of those walks Lainey went running ahead of the stroller to show the Littles

how fast she could run.

While wearing cr0cs.

We had barely made it to the next door neighbor's driveway when she went flying, head over heels and scraped up her sweet little face from forehead to nose.

She was a mess.

We were picking gravel out of her scalp for a week.

So just a few days ago, here in Arizona we had another incident.

And by we, I mean she. And by she I mean Lainey.

I know, you didn't see that one coming.

Neither did she.

I was in the kitchen and the Littles were playing with Daddy in the living room when we all heard

BANG

THUD

{Crap.}

(One of my worst fears is the kids chipping or breaking a tooth. Really. Every time they fall and land anywhere near their mouths I can't breathe until I check those chompers.)

(I have issues.)

I step around the corner to find my poor girl bawling and blood oozing out the side of her mouth.

Yikes.

We got her into the kitchen with a wet towel to her mouth and I kid you not, she spit a chunk of her lip out.

A CHUNK of her LIP.

OUT.

Into my hand.

Ew.

Now she's really sobbing because the blood is scaring her, the Littles are staring and jabbering

Nainey got a boo-boo? Nainey cwying?

And I'm still holding a piece of her lip.

While breathing a slight sigh of relief that it's not a tooth.

Turns out she tripped (over nothing) bounced off the wall and landed with a thunk on the hard tile floor. Somewhere during the course of that craziness her tooth went into her top lip and ripped it wide open.

And now, poor little lady has a seriously fat lip.

We haven't let her see the inside,

but it's not pretty.

Too add insult to injury, tonight after we got home from the park, I was emptying the bag and tossed her soccer ball through the sliding glass door, into the back yard

and directly into her the face.

She forgave me, after crying. Alot.

Oy.

Now, if I were a coordinated gal I would have hit her bottom lip.

You know, so she would match.

Happy Mother's Day! and a request...

2011-05-09T11:26:00.003-04:00

So thankful for these little gals who call me mama. And for my sweet husband who made sure I had a great, relaxing day. Not only did he take over first thing in the morning, he loaded up the gang to get McDon@ld's breakfast. Which is my favorite.

I have very sophisticated taste.

But wait! He wasn't finished...While I got a pedicure he cleaned the kitchen. Including the mopping of the tile.

I hate mopping.

AND he cleaned the girls eat seats. Which may or may not have had remnants of their last meal.

In Kentucky.

Whoopsie.

And then...there was a gift certificate to the salon.

What more could a girl want?

And now, the request. Today is the day. I've avoided for quite some time. I can put it off no longer...

The littles are wearing big girl panties. And the pink potties are out.

It's potty time! Yeah, yeah it's potty time!

Normally I would just let them run naked for a few days, and watch too much kid t.v. (as Lainey calls it) while chugging down lots of water and juice.

However, we are living in a rental home. A rental home with really nice carpet.

Who knew those existed?

Anyhoo, if you have a spare moment, would you say a little prayer for these girlies? And their mama?

And the carpet?

Thank you and amen.

Hide and Seek - The Gaggle Guide

2011-05-05T17:10:00.003-04:00

If you plan on making a visit to the Green household these days you should know a few things.

A) You will be tackled at the door. It's all in love. The twins call this "hugging".

B) You will be expected to play hide and seek. At least twice. Even if you're only staying for a few minutes.

C) You might want to lock the door when going to the restroom. Unless you don't want to go alone.

(Because really, who does?)

(Oh wait, I DO!)

About the hide and seek. There are a few rules you should be aware of. The seeker always counts to twenty(ish). Lainey can currently count to one hundred but gets a little excited about the prospect of yelling

I FOUND YOU!

so she barely makes it to twenty before making a break for it to start her search.

Also, whoever the adult player is that gets ~~stuck with~~ partnered with Emily, bless your heart. We love her. She cute. She's feisty.

She stinks at this game.

One afternoon all five of us were playing. Anna and I were standing in the master tub and Andy had inherited Em for the round. Lainey hadn't even reached the number twelve from her counting spot in the kitchen when I heard

*DING-DONG*

*DING-DONG*

That will teach Daddy not to hide outside when the FOUR YEAR OLD doesn't even know that's an option.

Emily just likes to be helpful.

(She also likes to jump up from behind beds and yell

I wite here! YAY! Yoo fine me!)

Speaking of Andy, once he moved into the tub after Lainey found me in it.

Because that doesn't make things difficult, either.

Then there's Anna. If you have to pick a twin to be on your team, she's your girl. She's better at this game than I am. If you put her somewhere and tell her to be quiet, she does.

For a really long time.

I'm not even sure she breathes.

Once I put her under a bench at the end of our bed and covered it with a blanket. She stayed there so long I've considered putting her back in there at nap time and just telling her to stay until Lainey finds her.

I'm a horrible mother.

So to recap:

*Lainey is a great counter, patient seeker. Totally loves the game.

*Anna is your go-to gal. Doesn't make a peep.

*Andy ~~cheats~~ gets creative with the rules.

*I always hide in the tub.

*Emily rings doorbells.

*Lock the door when you go to the bathroom.

And you're welcome.

Easter 2011

2011-04-25T17:13:00.014-04:00

You all know about my stellar ability to capture all three girls looking at the camera.

While smiling. And clean. And not picking their nose(s).

So I'm just gonna jump to the chase. Skip to the goods. Head for the hills.

Did I say that last one aloud?

Anyhoo, for the grandparents faraway and all you other yahoos................

EASTER TWENTY ELEVEN!!

Listen, that's the best one I've got. In all the rest Anna looks bald, Lainey still wants to show off her new purse and Emily is doing deep knee bends.

See? I can't work like this, people.

Let's try one more....

I'd like to call this one

Watching the Clouds Expectantly for the Glorious Return of Jesus

but in reality it's

Watching Daddy Dance Like a Fool and Wondering What in Tarnation is Wrong With Him.

He tried.

Can I just say that I loved their dresses? Because I did. For several reasons. Of which I'm sure you don't give a hoot, but here they come. I'm not a satiny, frou-frou, taffeta kinda gal. I tend to stick to the cute department. Also, I'm ~~cheap~~ frugal. (Wait, do you hear that? That's the sound of my husband banging his head against the keyboard of the computer as he pays our credit card bill. Again.) And by frugal, I mean I don't like to pay alot for things individually.

Mama cannot help what the sum total of the bill is.

I have twins.

Ahem.

As I was saying, the dresses. They were an impulse buy (which I NEVER do, right, babe? babe? hello?) at S@m's Club before we left Kentucky. For under twelve dollars each. Twelve American dollars. And did I mention the brand name?

Jessica Ann.

It was a sign from the Good Lord Himself.

I'm rambling. Let's move on.

Aside from the adorable dresses made perfect by three beautiful (albeit bald-looking and squatty) girls there was also an easter egg drop on Saturday night at the church we've been attending and an egg hunt on Sunday morning thanks to Daddy and the dollar store.

He was seriously too cute the night before putting all the goodies in the eggs. He and his purchases were sprawled from tub to toilet on the bathroom floor.

Don't worry, it was clean(ish).

So the egg drop was actually giant balloons filled with candy. Which they hoisted into the air on a crane and then dropped

*splat*

onto the ground.

Lainey thought this was fantastic. The little girls didn't really get it. For which I'm thankful because on the way there I was ~~certain~~ worried that if they knew there was candy involved they were going to put the smack down on anyone who stood in their way. Seriously.

The "egg" going up.

Girlfriend working out a plan.

And she's off!

Hey...hold the phone...there's CANDY on the GROUND and

mom isn't taking it away from us!

Victory!

Turns out Lainey really was strategizing because sister headed straight for the kill zone where the balloon actually busted. None of this periphery stuff for her, no sir, she was going in for the goods. She made us a little nervous until Andy found her at the bottom of a pile of sugar-crazed children, ages one to five.

It's a rough crowd.

On to the Sunday morning egg hunt.

Pants optional.

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38&39

Don't Let the BedBugs Bite

2011-03-30T03:00:00.000-04:00

Several years ago, before the gaggle, Andy and I lived in Tucson. He was playing AAA for the Diamondbacks at the time and the main responsibility in my life was

the dog.

He was a puppy and I was seriously in love.

I had been warned by a friend who had lived in the area her whole life about scorpions and tarantulas. She mentioned that at Buike's size (at the time he weighed about 3 lbs.) a sting by one of these creatures could be deadly.

She then went on to tell lovely stories of her sister putting glasses at the base of the legs of her babies beds so that the aforementioned scorpions and tarantulas couldn't climb into them. And bite them.

SCORPIONS AND TARANTULAS. IN THEIR BEDS.

She also said there were nights where they could hear tapping sounds on the glasses when the BIG HAIRY SCARY CREATURES were trying to climb up the sides.

I'm in denial about that last one. I think she was making it up.

So, late one night I'm up reading in the living room. The Buikester is cozied up at my side on the couch and I happen to catch movement out of the corner of my eye.

MOVEMENT!

OUT OF THE CORNER OF MY EYE!

It was the dreaded scorpion. I grabbed Buike, ran screeching down the hall, woke Andy up, who came running back down the hall in his skivvies and beat the thing with a shoe.

All while I'm fussing about how it could have killed the dog.

KILLED! THE DOG!

Two seconds after mentally preparing myself to tell Andy that Buike and I were moving to Alaska, I stopped and looked at the thing. It was about an inch long. If that.

Then I realized I may have over-reacted.

Not that I do that.

After that night, I wasn't so paranoid. We later saw a few more the little critters as well as a tarantula who was waltzing down the sidewalk.

Just taking his hairy self for a moonlight stroll.

Because that's normal.

Fast forward about 7 years and three adorable children later and we're back in the desert. With tarantulas, scorpions and oh yeah, wild pigs.

I forgot about those.

I blame the children.

Anyway, I tried to put it in the back of my mind. The girls are all at a size where a scorpion sting would be annoying but not lethal. And what are the chances that would happen, anyway?

Don't answer that.

And then, last week I was putting away Lainey's laundry when I spotted this

I had a mini, but silent panic attack.

After I uncurled myself from the fetal position I took a closer look. Thankfully it was just a piece of carpet.

Can you say HALLELUJAH? I did.

A mere minute later, Lainey shrieked like the 4 year old girl that she is

BUGS! MOM! HUGE! BUGS!

She also rarely over-reacts.

But I ran into our room, where I had left the girls playing blocks.

Only now they were all three sprawled on their tummies, checking out the BUGS that were under our bed.

I'm taking the dog and we're moving to Alaska.

She Triiiiiiied to Tell Me

2011-03-28T17:11:00.009-04:00

Usually getting ready to leave for the season is a bit chaotic. We're packing, sorting, trying to see friends one last time etc. This year we thought we'd change it up a bit.

I know what you're thinking.

Oh good, she finally got organized and didn't save everything to the last minute....

Um, no.

This time on top of the usual fall-dee-rawl (is that a word?) we decided to rent our home out (furnished) for the summer. We have been very blessed with the renters we found, but that added a whole new element to the ballgame.

Get it, ballgame?

Sorry.

Anyhoo, on top the usual mayhem of trying to fit all the junk five people and a dog will need for the next six months into two cars we also had to clean and sort the whole downstairs. Empty closets and get rid of personal items. Thankfully I didn't dilly-dally too much and I tried to get at least one project a day out of the way.

Clean out kitchen cabinets, clean out master closet and all dresser drawers. Clean out coat closets. Take down all personal photos. Sort through junk drawers. Clean out laundry room. (Which led to shortening the dryer hose and cleaning it out. I don't know why. I question the reasoning behind that one to this day. And do you know that you need wire cutters for this exercise? Cause you do. Which sent me to Lowe's. While Andy had the girls at the park. I think I have cleaning ADD.)

Sorry. Distracted myself. Something about ADD....

pause, pause

Um, okay, here we go, moral of the story is, it was a lot to get done, but it felt really good once we did it. At one point Andy was sitting on our closet floor covered up to his chin in clothes bemoaning his sorting chore when our dentist called. Saved by the hygienist. I've never seen him agree to an appointment so fast in my life.

You need me to come right now, OKAY!!

Punk.

Yeah, that was another thing we had put off until the last minute. Dental cleanings (both) and an eye doctor appointment (me).

Have I mentioned we have twins? Really?

Anyhoo, all that to say, one Saturday afternoon, before we left the girls were all down for naps. Lainey wasn't sleeping, but that's not unusual these days. She had already come out of her room more than once for several reasons.

I have to pee. I have to poop. I'm not tired. I'm hungry.

Finally I gave her some markers and paper and said

For the love of Pete, STAY IN YOUR ROOM UNTIL I GET YOU OUT OF IT!

To which she replied

Who's Pete?

Son of a gun, just stay in your room.

Okay.

I really thought the problem was solved until a little while later I sat down to eat a very late lunch ( after I had finally finished wading through the coat closets. Why do gloves never have a partner? I'm adding them to the "I hate socks" list.)

Once again Lainey's door started to squeeeeeeeak open.

Without even looking up, I said

Lainey go back in your room, right now.

But I have some marker on my hands.

We will wash your hands after rest time is over. BACK IN YOUR ROOM. (This actually sounded like BAHCK IN YOO WOOM, I blame the peanut butter).

The door clicked and I went about my business.

About an hour later Andy went upstairs to wake everyone because we were meeting some friends for dinner and the babies were still snoozing away. WHICH HAPPENS EVERY TIME WE HAVE TO BE SOMEWHERE. NEVER WHEN WE'RE STAYING HOME. WHY!!??!!

I will try to stop yelling.

So Andy goes into Lainey's room first and immediately comes out, leans over the railing and says

You need to come up here. And bring your camera.

Uh-oh.

Girlfriend was not kidding about the marker situation. And apparently she scratches her eyes, wipes her mouth and picks her nose in her sleep.

Bless her heart.

Top Ten Plus One

2011-03-22T17:19:00.007-04:00

Top Ten Reasons I Should Be Potty Training Anna Grace.

1) She wakes up dry from her nap.

2) Has woken up dry in the morning (a few times).

3) She tries to change her own drawers. See exhibits A-C

{Exhibit A}

{Exhibit B}

{Exhibit C}

4) She follows Lainey to the bathroom every chance she gets.

5) She tries to wipe Lainey's booty all while peering into the potty to check things out.

Lainey thinks this is the very definition of teamwork.

6) Tried to wipe me yesterday.

Not the help I was looking for.

7) She tells me when she needs to poop.

8) She tells me when she's peeing.

9) Has mentioned a few times the her

dipey herwts.

10) She has even become a kind bed wetter, striving to make it fun for all.

Step 1 : Remove pants.
Step 2 : Remove diaper.
Step 3 : Move precious baby dolls to higher ground. (See exhibit D)
Step 4 : Pee a river.

{Exhibit D}

Number One Reason Mama isn't Potty Training Anna Grace

1) Emily Faith

The girl does not give two hoots about her diaper. At all. Ask her if she's pooped

Nope

and off she goes to play with her baby or wreak havoc on one of her sisters.

All while stinkin' up the joint.

So I asked my multiples club what they suggest when one is ready and the other isn't. I was thinking they would give me a pass, just say to wait it out...
They didn't. One mama of triplets potty trained them all at different times. Saying that the other two were inspired to action by watching the first. And it only took 6 months.

Help me.

I really want to just get it all done in one fell swoop. But I think that poor Anna might go cuckoo if we don't start soon.

That or her babies may develop a fear of heights.

*for those of you who are confused by the doll pic ~ that is our house in KY. We are currently in AZ. I'm just really behind in blogging. Pun totally intended.

Bullets

2011-03-13T16:20:00.002-04:00

*To all three readers of this blog, please know that I am not ignoring you. Okay, I am a little bit. The lack of posting is due to a little tiff that the computer is having with the camera. They are not currently on speaking terms,but when things simmer down all sorts of blogging hilarity will ensue. Or not. Depending on if you think pee is funny. Or marker faces. Or tree climbing. Well, now that I read that, hilarity may be stretching it, so things will just return to normal. You know, silly stories with sub-par photos.

*We are settling in well. Found a great church. Went to a baseball wives bible study/luncheon. No one tried to kick me out for being a Mrs. Coach. Going to try to hit the bible study again next week. Also going to try to be on time to said study. Apparently Scottsdale Bible Church has two locations. (Ahem, Google!?!?!).

*Andy and Lainey made a run to Lowe's a few nights ago and came home with a gym membership, for me. Probably not going to let Andy out without proper supervision anytime soon. Went to the gym the next day. Probably going to spend a lot of time there. Two hours free childcare = mama can ~~read, lay out by the pool, work on the computer, shower, read~~ exercise in peace and quiet. My trainer's name is Kimberly. I have an appointment with her on Tuesday to assess my strengths and weaknesses. And to find out what my goals are. I'm pretty sure she's going to hyperventilate or cry or both when I tell her my goals are to walk a mile on the treadmill in less than 15 minutes, take a shower and then eat lunch in the awesome cafe. Every day. All in a span of two hours. I like to live on the edge. Pray for Kimberly. Noon on Tuesday. Mountain Standard Time.

*Guess what happens on daylight savings morning when you're on Mountain time? Your "smart phone" changes anyway and your husband jumps outta bed in a panic yelling. He then proceeds to dress, find his keys and flee the scene in less than two minutes all the while informing me that IT'S 6:30, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THERE AT SIX!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CLOCK?!? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BACK-UP ALARM?!? WHAT HAPPENED.... I didn't catch the rest of it because he was already backing out of the garage. Muttering to himself. Turns out he was right on time. Except he hadn't brushed his teeth. Or shaved. Or peed. Kind of a rough start to the day. And me? I started playing words with friends, because hey! it's already 6:30 and the girls will be up any minute. Only it wasn't. It was 5:30. Crap. And Lainey slept til 8:30. Stinker.

*Might be taking the Littles to an ENT or Allergist. Or both. Little ladies have an ear infection (again, and yes, they do these things together). This is their 5th in 6 months. I was really hoping that the warmer weather would nix the drainage (snot) which leads to the otitis. It didn't. They are the only kids I know that get runny noses 5 days into antibiotics. Bless their hearts.

*The Wildcats are SEC champs. I love March Madness. I do not love the west coast's television coverage of the beloved Wildcats. Special shout out to BooMama who pointed out that I could watch the first two games on ESPN3.com. And even congratulated me on their first win in the tourney. Even though she's a Mississippi State fan. Bless her heart.

*Heartbroken for the people of Japan. Praying for peace in this time of mourning and recovery. Thankful that all of our friends who are playing ball over there are safe and sound. (One of them was standing on the pitcher's mound when it happened!)

*I have no more news. I need to cut coupons before the girls wake up from nap time. Couponing? Yeah, that's a post in and of itself.

The end.

Baby, Baby, Baby OOHHH

2011-03-04T16:07:00.001-05:00

The last time we Greens were in Arizona for spring training it was in Tucson. It was five years ago. And there were only three of us.

Me, Andy and the dog.

It didn't really take much packing or plotting to get two adults and a small dog across the country. At the time, I thought it was alot of work.

Ha. HAHAHAHAHA. BWAHAHAHA. Ha.

I cracked myself up.

This winter, when Andy signed with the Diamondbacks to be a hitting coach for the rookie ball team, I got a little excited. We really enjoyed our time in AZ, and we have several friends in the area that have never even met our children. (I was pregnant with Lainey when we left).

And then forty seconds later I realized we were going to have to get all three children, the dog and their stuff across the country.

Excitement diminished.

Now, I know what you're thinking.

You've been doing this your whole married life. Why is this different? You had three kids and a dog last year and the year before that....

I'll tell you why. Because since 2008 we've been on the east coast. No matter where went for spring training or the season, we were almost always just a days drive from home.

Last year I drove to and from Buffalo by myself with this crew. Twice.

This year, however, there will be no popping in at home. And that's okay, it just means I'd better not forget anything important. Like the dog. Or Emily.

I kid. I would never forget the dog.

All this to say, once we loaded both cars and the car top carrier (suh-weet!) with the essentials for the next six months (clothes, toys, two pink potties....)we said a prayer for safety and sanity (help me, Jesus!) and hit the open road.

It was smooth sailing for about 15 minutes until I looked back and Em had managed to wiggle one arm out of her buckle.

So I had to pull over before I even made it to the interstate.

Lainey said

are we there?

Oh boy.

Then she had to pee before we made it out of the state.

Oh my lands.

But after that, things really went surprisingly well. There were a few melt-downs when someone got over-tired, but once I got some caffeine, all was well.

We had a few unscheduled potty stops, including one on the side of a snow-covered mountain. Did you know that squatting to pee on the side of the road is a learned skill? Yep, Lainey hasn't conquered that one, yet.

Thank goodness for the pink potties.

I'm also thankful for the daddy who made sure we stopped to stretch little legs, never let me pump gas, and got two great hotel rooms so we could rest.

And for the fact that as the daddy of three girls he knew that sometimes you just have to have an impromptu Justin Beiber dance party in the parking lot of the Travel Stop in Tucumcari, New Mexico.

It was totally necessary.

You know you love me, I know you care
Just shout whenever, and I'll be there
You want my love, you want my heart
And we will never ever ever be apart.......

Multiple Choice

2011-02-21T13:07:00.002-05:00

Anna and the Mama are currently sporting matching black eyes due to the following:

A) We saved a drowning puppy from a burning building while rescuing kittens from a wild boar.

B) Zumba classes gone haywire. She crissed when I crossed right in the middle of "bird, bird, fly, fly". Unfortunate.

C) One of us fell off the eliptical machine. The other had a (benign) cyst removed from the corner of her eyelid.

D) What can I say? The packing and sorting (for spring training) has gotten out of hand.

E) All of the above.

F) None of the above.

Good luck and be sure to mark your answers clearly with a #2 pencil.

That is all.

Back to packing.

Yes, I tend to procrastinate.

Why do you ask?

Why I Love the Off Season

2011-02-18T19:28:00.002-05:00

Reason Number 573

No Worries, None

2011-02-11T14:37:00.004-05:00

The morning after the Littles birthday Lainey looked them up and down and said

they still look like one year olds.

(Thankfully this growing up thing really doesn't happen over-night.)

Honestly I thought having two two year olds might be a little rough. Something that would ruffle this mama's feathers. Put me in the loony bin. Drive me to drinking.

So far, things have stayed the same.

Lots of love and a little bit o' crazy.

A few days ago Lainey handed me this

The good news is, she has started to wipe herself and wash her hands.

The bad news is, she has started to wipe herself, wash her hands, and doesn't know her own strength.

So while I was trying to decide between re-attaching the towel hook or knocking down the wall and going all HGTV on it I realized I couldn't hear the little people.

This is never good.

Ever.

After a quick scan of the upstairs I ran down to the kitchen and found this...

Emily was on her fourth Andes mint. At least I think it was four. I'll let you know if I find any more wrappers when I clean out the pantry.

Miss Anna was gnawing on a Toblerone candy bar like it was corn on the cob.

Within an instant they both looked alot like

two year olds.

Two Two Year Olds

2011-02-04T06:00:00.000-05:00

In the blink of an eye, my sweet little babies have gone from this......

to this......

Happy Second Birthday Anna and Emily!
(in the first photo Em is on the left, Anna on the right)
(in the second, Anna is on the left, Emily on the right)

Are You Smarter Than a FifthGrader Dishwasher?

2011-01-31T15:25:00.006-05:00

My Littles are weird.

I mean they have quirks.

Don't get me wrong, they're super sweet, but really set in their ways.

Actually, what I'm trying to say is they only have one type of sippy cup that they will drink out of.

Both of them.

It's like they're twins or something.

Weird.

And they will only drink water.

No milk, no juice, no ade of the gator, nothing.

Super weird.

And great. Except when they are puking.

Which happened again.

And I don't want to talk about it.

Except to offer this advice: Ice chips, good. Red popsicles, bad.

Sigh.

Anyhoo, the sippy cups.

Both Anna Grace and Emily will only drink out of a certain brand of straw cups.

Hey, Playtex, want to send me some samples? Hello?

Which is fine, even though they require an engineering degree to take apart, wash and put back together. I hand-washed so many bottles during the first year, I just decided to let the dishwasher do the work once we graduated to big girl tumblers.

And then the darn thing up and turned against me.

Over the course of a few days I noticed that more and more straws were missing. At first it was just a little annoying and I thought they would turn up. Seeing as the current favorite game of two little soon to be two-year-olds (!) is

let's empty the silverware drawer. Again.

When I mentioned how irritating it was to have 6 sippy cups and only three straws Andy said

I think the dishwasher ate them.

Surely not. Right? We've used these for almost a year, why now?

Guess what?

The dishwasher ate them.

So I had six clean cups taunting me from the cupboard, but only three working straws.

Flashbacks from late night bottle washing began to flood my mind.

So I decided to take action. I wasn't gonna let the man get me down. I've not yet begun to fight. Nobody puts baby in the corner.

Where was I?

Oh yeah, Operation Straw Retrieval.

First of all, are they really in there?

Well, crap.

Or yay! depending on how you look at it.

My first tool of choice was tweezers. If you saw my school pictures from junior high you would learn (and be thankful) that I'm quite adept at using them.

Bless my heart.

Time to put that talent to good use.

Unfortunately, I pushed them further into the mouth of the motor.

Tweezers, you are dead to me.

Then I had an epiphany. (Read, the Littles had left some chop sticks on the floor that they had kindly removed from the silverware drawer. Again.)

Looks like our time in Japan was going to come in handy.

And indeed, it did.

Mama - 3
Dishwasher - 0

Thankyouverymuch.

When Words Collide

2011-01-21T20:37:00.004-05:00

Lainey Hope has just turned four. FOUR. Oh my word.

You know what her favorite book is right now?

The Jesus Storybook Bible.

This is not your every day children's bible. It's real, honest and sometimes bloody. Every story literally points to Christ.

And she eats it up.

We have read it cover to cover and she has asked so many questions about life, death, sin, Jesus, storms, grace, baptism, shoe sizes (Goliath), forgiveness, heaven, eating bugs (alive or dead?) and the list goes on.

It's been a great tool to help explain the gospel to our girl. I pray daily for the hearts of my girls, that they would love the Lord and walk the road He has for them. Sometimes I wonder if she's really catching what we've been discussing...

Over the past few months my four year old friend has discovered lying. Nothing major, just trying to cover up something she fears she may get punished for or trying to hide something she did. It's totally normal at this age, part of her cognitive development.

But that doesn't mean it should continue.

So we've been working on it. Sometimes there's punishment, sometimes we talk through it.

There's been lots of talking through it.

One morning a few weeks ago, I was upstairs in the playroom, struggling to stay awake. There had been little sleep for me the night before because my friend Emily had an ear infection and could only sleep if I held her at an inclined position. All night. The girls were playing dress up down the hall when all the sudden Em started shrieking.

Andy called up to Lainey from the living room

Lainey, why is she crying?

Well, she scratched me.

She's crying because she scratched you?

No, I scratched her back.

At this point, she should have stopped. Just in innocent fly-by scratching between sisters. But she had to add....

Because she asked me to.

Oh dear. Now it's over. Start warming up the time-out chair and check the wooden spoon for splinters.

Andy very calmly said

Lainey, I know she didn't ask you to scratch her. She doesn't even know those words.

And then the stand-off began.

Lainey upstairs, nervously chewing on her fingers, looking over the balcony at Andy below, probably thinking to herself

Dangit! Why can't you babies speak more clearly! Seriously, I had over 200 words at this age, catch up will ya!

Andy, staring right back at her, trying to impress the importance of telling the truth, even when the news is unfortunate.

And me, lying on couch, thankful that I don't have to handle this one. Hoping they work it out soon, because I could really use a Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper. And it's downstairs. In the kitchen. And I am not.

For the next several ~~hours~~ minutes Andy calmly said

Lainey, tell me the truth.

And then he stared at her.

And she stared at him.

And I still laid on the couch. Thirsty.

She apparently decided to plead the fifth, because she had nothing to say. At all. Maybe she was waiting for her aunt Sarah, attorney-at-law to come her rescue. Maybe she was trying to disappear. Maybe she was hoping that her sisters would simultaneously rip off their diapers and poop on the floor, causing a ruckus that would lead to the greatest distraction ever.

It could happen.

Finally, about the 15th time he spoke, Andy changed his wording

Lainey, what is the the truth?

She calmly replied

Jesus.

By george, I think she's getting it.

Christmas Card Photo Shoot 2010 - A Recap

2010-12-16T15:17:00.016-05:00

The other day I got a text from Andy's aunt Brynn. It said

I would like a picture of the three girls if you have one to spare

I giggled to myself and thought

You and me both, sister!

I have been trying since we had our first snow to get a good photo of the girls to use for our Christmas card. Turns out, Emily doesn't like snow.

Who knew? Then we had runny noses and gunk along with various and assorted scratches and/or bruises - next thing you know it's mid-December and I have no card to speak of. So one day this week I bathed all three girls, did their hair and gussied them up.

I don't have a favorite child, but special thanks to Emily who smiled when I asked and sat still even when I didn't. Lainey has reached the awkward smile stage. She also feels that funny faces are HILARIOUS. Then there's Anna. She was not helpful. At all. Even her freshly washed hair was ornery.

With that said, I now give you

Christmas Card Photo Shoot 2010. Heaven help me.

Anna, stop frowning. Please. Lainey, smile for real. Thank you.

Okay, I appreciate the sudden joy you've found, but maniacal fake laughter is not the look we're going for.

Emily, I don't know what she's planning, but do not get in cahoots with your sister. DO NOT. Okay, lets try this again...Show me your teeth!

No, no I don't actually mean......Good grief. Okay, looooook at mommmmmyyy...

Anna, Emily knows you have teeth. Forget I ever said anything about the teeth! Um, Lainey?

Oh sister, my feelings exactly. Let's try a different pose.

Um, no.

Anna, put your dress down.

Emily, put your dress down.

Oh, for the love.

I think I'm just gonna use this photo from last Christmas. Yes, the girls are a year younger and yes there are two extra children in it. But I really don't think it's that noticeable.

Right?

Aptitude Craptitude

2010-12-12T22:20:00.003-05:00

You know those tests they make you take in high school? The ones that are 8 mazillion pages long and when you finish it you get a little slip of paper that says

according to your answers you are best suited to be

a truck driver?

My results pointed towards a career in television journalism. It's scary how accurate those things are (ahem). Seriously, it still makes Andy sick to his stomach when we talk about how nervous I was in our high school speech class. It was awful. Anytime I had to give a speech my right hand would shake so violently I would burn 300 calories. Seriously. And then there was the time I was trying to say the word "cockroaches" (which should tell you something - what in the world was I talking about?) and it came out "cockrotches". Which led me to think of crotches, which shot me straight into a fit of giggles so bad I had to leave the room. In the middle of my speech.

Which was convenient because I needed to head to the water fountain anyway.

You know, to rehydrate from the workout my right extremity had been doing.

You're wondering why Andy was traumatized by this? Because love his heart, he had to sit through all of it. Thankfully during our four years of high school together, we only had one speech class. If he'd witnessed much more of that there may not be a gaggle to speak of...........................

Right around Thanksgiving the gaggle and I all got colds. (I'd like to come up with a better transition, but I was up late making Christmas cookies last night and I got nothin'. Stay with me, people.) I actually had been putting up quite a fight and then my friend Emily kissed me square on the lips. Which was totally precious, except for the swath of snot that it came with.

The worst part of the infirmity for me was a nagging, dry cough that got really bad every evening as I tried to lie down to sleep.

Nothing says romance like a woman who's hacking her lungs out.

Anyhoo, during the day, I really didn't have too much trouble. Except when I talked too much, or tried to read to the girls.

I'm not prone to gab for long stretches during the day. I don't have time to be on the phone. The children might ~~chew through their straps~~ get into trouble. Most of my talking comes in short spurts with gems like

Keep your pants on!

Get off the table!

Stop poking her in the eye.

Stop poking her in the other eye.

Stay out of the silverware drawer.

You'd better not be crying over something little!

For the love, KEEP YOUR PANTS ON!

So about a week into this cold I was sitting on the floor with all three ladies on my lap reading before nap time. Things were fine all the way through Moo, Baa, LaLaLa, but I knew when I started into Goodnight Moon we might be headed for trouble.

By the time the old lady started whispering

hush

the little tickle in the back of my throat turned into a full on hacking episode.

It was bad.

I shoved all three little ladies onto the floor, ripped my jacket off and then it got ugly.

The coughing turned into choking. On what I have no idea. But I made my way into the kitchen heaving and gasping for air, all the while trying to comfort Anna and Lainey who are now whimpering because clearly Mama

was going to choke to death. On air.

Or lack thereof.

But no words were coming, just the choking, gasping, spitting and flashbacks of pregnancy. Which aren't pleasant. For me, or anyone who knows me.

Finally, I started to breathe somewhat normally and although I couldn't talk yet, I'd come back from the point where I was picturing my tombstone covered with the words

Here Lies Jessica Green
She died by asphyxiating
On nothing
Bless her Heart

Through my watery eyes I saw a teary Lainey hugging Anna, who was sobbing. Then I spun around to check on Em, whom I hadn't noticed during the whole debacle.

There she was standing on her tiptoes, peering into the trashcan, checking out what I had just spit up.

All the while chewing on her snack. That she had gotten on her own.

While I was incapacitated.

Forget the high school proficiency test. I can tell you right now, Lainey's going to be a therapist, Anna's got it made in theater and Emily will be a fantastic nurse.

Or a porta-potty servicer.

Either way, we'll be so proud.

In Which I Feel Small, Very Small

2010-11-29T06:00:00.001-05:00

My little friend Lainey has what we call a flair for the dramatic. Loosely translated it means she cries over small things. Often.

Some days are better than others and some days I make her go sit in the dining room until she's done because

I'd rather not listen anymore.

So a few days back we were having a dining room kinda day. I was in the laundry room, probably working on getting magic marker out of Emily's pants (again) when I hear Lainey start to fuss.

I would like to say that I used good parental skills and checked out the situation before passing judgement, but actually I used a slightly exasperated, clearly frustrated, and a little louder than usual voice and said

Lainey, you'd better not be crying over something little!

Then Andy started calling my name and saying things like

Stop rubbing it sweetie, it'll be okay..Jess? JESS!?

Well crud.

I peeked around the corner and there on the floor sat my poor girl with both of her eyes completely covered in

lotion.

Not just any lotion. It was the perfume infused, smells like a lotus flower in a clover garden lotion from the mall.

All over her eyes. Huge globs.

At this point she's crying and trying to rub her eyes with hands that are also completely covered.

So I start profusely apologizing for being the meanest mommy ever all the while getting paper towels, wet washcloths and saline to take care of my poor little gal before her baby blues turn a permanent shade of red.

Thankfully she was fine within minutes of the incident, and we have a new

"no lotion on the face" rule.

Who knew we would need that one?

On a brighter note, Emily was so ~~scared of~~ impressed by the mean mommy voice she took it upon herself to stop writing on her pants.

It's the End of the World as We Know it, and I Do Not Feel Fine

2010-11-26T14:07:00.002-05:00

Last Sunday we went to lunch with some friends after church. Between the two families we have five kids, so it wasn't a shocker that our conversation rolled around to topics such as potty training and how long is inappropriately long to keep a child in a crib. Our friend, Andrew, said that their four year old is in a big girl bed but still calls for them every morning when she wakes up to come get her out of it.

I like that plan.

And then I said something about Lainey being out of her crib since mastering the potty and that of course our Littles will be staying in their cribs until the day they can get out of them.

Right then and there I should have stood up in front of God and Ruby Tuesday's and yelled

I take it back! I'm totally kidding! I never meant to say anything about anyone being able to CLIMB OUT OF THEIR BEDS! Please, dear Lord, strike that comment from the record. Thank you and Amen.

But instead I just dug back into my salad and sliders, completely unaware of the travesty I had caused.

Now, I know what you're thinking.

Superstitious? Really?

I'd like to say that I'm not. In most things in life, I'm a pretty level headed gal. I know that God has a plan and a purpose for those He loves and I believe His words to be true.

But I'm also a baseball wife. And you can't have been in the game for as long as we have without being at least a teensy, tiny bit superstitious. If you have ever sat through an extra inning game, it's because someone in the family section said

Wow, this game's going fast.

That will slow it down, every.single.time.

Also, if your loved one is struggling at the plate and then has a great night while you happen to be eating an extra large coney with cheese.....

You eat it again the next night.

Anything to help.

All that rambling to say, I'm not really superstitious. But I do think the good Lord has a sense of humor. Because two hours after that lunch......

Anna climbed out of her crib. The ironic thing here is that Emily is the more advanced one of the two when is comes to scaling tall buildings in a single bound.

So because it was Anna and not Emily, we chose to believe it was a fluke. Never gonna happen again. Andy even said

did you remember to put her in the bed?

Now listen, I know I can be absent minded at times. But nap time? That's the one part of the day where I can get things done without "help". I'm almost positive I wouldn't throw one gal in a bed and leave the other loose to torment her.

Almost positive.

So to play it safe, we gated the door that night. Know what's worse than a toddler who can get out of bed?

A toddler who can get out of her room.

The next morning when I got to the top of the stairs, there she was, my little Anna-Boo just hanging over the gate, waiting for someone to change her droopy drawers.

Apparently, this was not a fluke.

So we started ~~panicking~~ hashing out our options. Should she be punished? Do we put her mattress on the floor? What about a crib tent? Maybe bubble wrap? Or a staple gun?

Then we realized that this is just part of her development. She figured out how to get out of the darn thing, now we need to figure out how to keep her safe.

It wasn't really going to be an issue to take the side rail off her crib and put a toddler rail up. Except for one thing.

We have twins.

Have I mentioned that before? Oh really? Sorry.

Anyhoo, the new dilemma became what about Emily? Do we take her out too? Will they just run back and forth all night long? Will we ever sleep again? What if we don't take her out? Will she be traumatized by the freedom that her sister has? How much is therapy for a two year old? Will we ever sleep again?

So I called our pediatrician. Who immediately laughed at me (with me?).

Once the laughter subsided she assured me that we would not be harming Em's mental health by leaving her in the crib. She even said that it might be her safe place and we shouldn't take it from her until she lets us know she's ready.

She also said that we had to get Anna out, or make it safe for her to get out. She sees a broken clavicle and/or a broken arm every year from little ones who launch themselves out of their beds.

And so, Andy took the rail off that afternoon and so far no major calamities have occurred. She sleeps all night and Emily doesn't seem bothered by it at all.

Nap time, which I thought was going to be awful, has gone well, for the most part.

Except for that one day when both babies thought that pants and diapers should become optional.

Three times.

Will we ever sleep again?

Lots of Rest, Not Enough Sleep

2010-11-17T15:29:00.009-05:00

So the blog has been a little quiet lately. I apologize. I've been busy eating bon-bons by the fire while reading People Magazine.

Ha! Like that would ever happen.

Actually, I was sitting by the ocean sipping margaritas and reading whatever I could get my hands on while stealing glances at this really cute boy.....

We ate, we slept, we read, we watched movies and we didn't have to change any diapers, or rub snotty noses, or do any laundry or cook any meals.

It was kinda nice.

I had big plans to sleep in. I knew it would take awhile to get in the groove. But I woke up every morning at 6:30 a.m.

I was sorely disappointed in myself.

Andy was a little irritated too.

The good news was when we showed up at early-thirty in the morning we got really amazing beach spots....

The bad news is, this is a photo of me with a tan....

We were able to get gussied up for dinner every night....

And make a few new friends....

Basically, we were completely spoiled. Truly.

But by the end of the trip, we were missing our little ladies quite fiercely.

I think the feeling was mutual.

Top Ten Reasons She's 3.5 Going on 13

2010-11-03T06:00:00.000-04:00

10) She starts about eighty percent of her sentences with

"and I was like..."

Dude, I like, totally don't know where she got this one. Seriously.

9) She talks with her hands. Alot. No ideas on this one either. Really.

8) She clears her plate without asking. Sometimes before she's finished eating.

Sneaky.

7) When I ask her to do something involving a chore, she has a better suggestion.

6) She hugs her sisters without prompting.

5) She tells on her sisters at the first sign of mischief.

4) She loves the Sound of Music.

3) She always yells for me to

turn the music up, mama, I can't hear it!

from the back of the van. Clearly, it's loud enough if you have to

yell

to get my attention.

Ahem.

2) She recently glanced at my outfit and said

You gonna wear that?

1) And finally, at the ripe old age of 3 years and 9 months she's really starting to make a name for herself......

She Blames the Economy

2010-11-01T22:10:00.009-04:00

Last Halloween all three girls dressed the same. It was really cute. But I didn't want to do it again.

I have no good reason. I just didn't.

Early in October Lainey decided to be Snow White. Awesome. I love it when a simple trip to Target takes something off my to-do list.

And then we saw the garden gnome costumes.

Eureka!

And so it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you

Snow White and the Two ~~Gnomes~~ Dwarfs.

Work with me, people.

(Unfortunately, due to the recession, Ms. White couldn't afford the other five.)

(Also unfortunate is the photography ability of Ms. White's mother. I didn't get ONE good photo of all three girls together. So here's a hodge-podge of so-so ones. Use your imagination and picture them walking hand in hand (in hand) down the road in to the sunset. Gracias.)

(Anna and Daddy)

(Emily)

The Posse

Yes, Lainey nearly froze her tail off because she said

MOM, Snow White doesn't wear pants.

Yes, both babies kept their hats on the whole time.

And yes, both of them were eating something every time I took a photo.

The were kindly (Courtney!) introduced to Dum-dums, Smarties, and M&M's.

It's a whole new world.

And I need to buy better toothbrushes.

In bulk.

The end.

Photo Friday

2010-10-22T06:00:00.000-04:00

A moment in time.....

A moment of truth.......

Have a great weekend!

This Too Shall Pass

2010-10-20T16:30:00.000-04:00

The gaggle and I didn't go on too many road trips this past baseball season. Hotel rooms and three small children are toxic for sleep. I don't know why, I just know it's true. We did manage to make it to Indianapolis early on in the summer and were very happy that good friends from home could join us.

Unfortunately, the night after the first game, Andy got food poisoning and was up until the wee hours throwing up.

(It's beginning to sound like we vomit alot. Now that I think about, we do. Here's hoping that trend is moving on. Forever.)

There's not much worse than food poisoning. Unless you get it in a hotel and you have to bond with an unfamiliar toilet.

(The last time Andy got food poisoning we were in a hotel in Memphis. We were competing for space because I was 6 weeks pregnant with the Littles and could barely keep a pretzel down. Good times. This is also when Michael Phelps won all those gold medals. Before he smoked the pot.)

And now I will try to return to the point of my story. If I even had one.

I say all this because due to the sickness of my dear husband, we had to come up with a plan B for entertainment. If you're staying in a hotel with little people, your best bet for survival is to get them out of the room and wear them out. Our friends from home jumped onto plan B with us and we headed to the zoo.

Which is also what we do. We throw up and we go to zoos.

Man, I need a hobby.

So we mommies and the kiddos had a great morning at the zoo. Sometime during the melee of snacks, carousel rides and elephants, Lainey's hair bow ended up in Miss Amanda's diaper bag. Amanda then held on to said hair bow for several months until we came back home for a visit.

And that's where my story begins. Which is kinda sad seeing as I've already bored you to tears with my drivel.

I'm just trying to paint the picture.

So that bow became Lainey's favorite bow EVER because Miss Amanda saved it for her.

Favorite bow ever.

EVER.

She proceeded to wear it every day. No matter the outfit. Which I was fine with. Seriously, the fact that she wanted to wear a bow at all was a win in my book. The girl cries every time I do her hair.

Every day.

So wear the Amanda hair bow she did.

Until I flushed it down the toilet.

Crap.

She had just gotten up from rest time and the bow was a little askew. She peed and I leaned over the toilet to wipe her. I'm still not entirely sure how it happened but somewhere between the wipe and the flush, I bumped her head, knocking the bow into the bowl just as the flush was ending. Before I could finish shrieking

it was gone.

It was one of those mothering moments where I really wasn't sure what to do. I could tell by the look on her face that she didn't know what had happened. That combined with the fact that she said

What happened, mom?

Darn the shrieking! Keep a poker face for once, woman!

And then the great debate began. Do I tell her I just flushed her favorite hair bow EVER down the toilet? Maybe we just let this one slide? Will she notice it's gone? Is there any way I can blame the Littles?

Who am I kidding, this child doesn't forget anything. Sooner or later she's gonna notice herself in the mirror.

Crap.

And so I told her.

Lainey, Mama just accidentally flushed your hair bow down the toilet. I'm so sorry.

You would have thought I said

Lainey, you will never be able to eat fruit snacks again. Also, I think you're a stinky dancer.

Her face completely crumpled up, followed by the silent pause (oh dear) and then the most dramatic wailing you have ever heard.

My favorite hair bow! NO!NO!NO! Where did it go?

Um, well, it's down the drain with all the pee and the poop.

More wailing followed by,

EW, gross, not my FAVORITE HAIR BOW!

(Man, I should have gone with

All drains lead to the ocean.)

She cried real tears for nearly 15 minutes.

She has also avoided the toilet in our bathroom since the incident.

Forget saving for college, do they have special "future therapy" accounts?

I'll take three.

Thanks.

A Retraction of Sorts

2010-10-15T15:29:00.004-04:00

After reading the last post my dear husband said

Um, you kinda threw me under the bus there with those clothes pictures. You didn't tell the whole story.

First of all, we don't have a bus. But if we ever have any more children we may have to consider purchasing one. Which means I would have to get a new license.

Oy.

Secondly, I did fail to mention that he may have had only 2 clean articles of clothing to choose from for all three girls that day. I took those photos during the vomit plague of twenty-ten when the sheets/towels were getting most of the Kenmore's time.

Whoopsie-daisy.

For the record, he got the girls up and dressed this morning. Everyone was perfectly adorable. He even remembered to grab some pony-tail holders before he brought the gaggle to me at the yard sale I was having with my friend.

Because clearly, it's all about the hair around here.....

This is What Happens...

2010-10-13T06:00:00.001-04:00

When Daddy is in charge of the wardrobe.

That would be Emily in a lovely apple pajama top paired with pink bloomers. From a dress.

Oh dear.

Anna Grace is styling her Weeso shirt accented by a light turquoise bloomer. Also from a dress.

Just a different one.

Yes, indeedy.

But apparently, my babies don't give two hoots about fashion or personal stylings.

Yet.

Heaven help us when they do....

Buh-bye

2010-10-11T06:00:00.002-04:00

Adios, you stinkin' deck.

You will not be missed. Not one bit.

Not your popped up boards....

Your crappily lined up corners....

Or your massive splinters.

Once Daddio picked up a sledge-hammer...

and realized how similiar it was to a baseball bat...

You never

stood

a chance.

BRAT

2010-10-08T06:00:00.000-04:00

During the plague of twenty ten, the best advice our pediatrician could give was stick to the brat diet and try to keep them hydrated.

For those of you lucky enough not to know what that is, here you go...

{B}ananas {R}ice {A}pples/sauce {T}oast.

Basically, it's code for bland and blah.

Which was fine for the first few days

and then the children started to revolt.

Emily worked the old bait and switch with her 18th apple...

Anna didn't even try to hide her distain. She just got violent.....

Things got a little hairy when they started working as a team. One on distraction, the other on look-out and the third on securing the goods.

Hey mom, look at me! I'm in a box! I'm cute! Take my picture! MOM!MOM!MOM!MOM!MOM!MOM!

Meanwhile...

I think the goal was the goldfish. We did eventually give up on the whole BRAT thing because they were still throwing up. No matter what they ate.

Although, for the record, red jello isn't the best idea.

You're welcome.

PukeFest Twenty Ten

2010-10-06T14:45:00.003-04:00

This summer I had a serious discussion with a fellow baseball wife/mom about whether we'd rather clean poop or vomit.

Poop won, hands down.

Unfortunately, this conversation arose because I had just cleaned a pack-n-play, sheets, clothing and one child who had decided to play in her poop during nap time.

Again.

I'm not gonna name any names because to be honest they have both done it.

More than once.

I know, you feel sad for me.

You should.

It was also slightly unfortunate that we didn't have this conversation quietly or privately because there were two newlywed baseball wives, innocently sitting there, just taking it all in. I'm nearly certain they will never have children. EVER.

So sorry.

I am now more convinced then ever that we were correct in our analysis over which was worse. Because starting the night of my birth (September 9th, ~~send gifts~~) all the way to the TWENTY-FIFTH of that same month, we had the plague.

Yes friends, that's 17 days.

SEVENTEEN.

Now it wasn't every day. When it started, Anna got it first, she threw up a few times in a 24 hour period as well as removed her diaper and pooped on the floor.

That was kinda funny, because Andy found it.

Twelve hours into Anna's bug, Emily started.

Now it's not so funny.

Not to be outdone or left out, Lainey started at the 48 hour mark.

And then someone in our house had vomiting and/or diarrhea for the next two and half weeks about every other day. I know, you're feeling very sad for me now.

You should.

Originally I had decided to pace myself with the Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper. I had about a months worth, with a few extra on those rare days I would need two.

Who am I kidding? I was at two a day on day three of vomit laundry.

I hate vomit laundry.

I will give Lainey credit, as a nearly 4 year old, her aim has improved immensely.

The other two didn't get that memo.

I did so much laundry over the span of sickness our water bill was up $20.

That's unfortunate.

I also decided that four crib sheets isn't enough. Some nights, the littles and I ended up on the couch. With towels.

Which is how you catch vomit from an aimless baby.

In case you were wondering.

Towels, lots and lots of towels.

Did I mention the water bill?

And now I am sure you are wondering, how in the beep did they keep getting this?

I wish I knew.

The following is a list of things I did to get rid of the germs.

*Open windows. Fresh air. Aaaahhh.
*Put the children outside, more fresh air.
*Sprayed so much Lysol the can started to malfunction and while trying to fix it, I shot myself right in the face with it. True story.
*Washed sheets, towels, clothes eighty-seven times. A day.
*Bleached the washing machine.
*Bleached the puke bucket.
*Cleaned toilets.
*Bought a new toilet brush.
*Threw away stuffed animals.
*Threw away pillows.
*Bought new pillows.
*Boiled their toothbrushes. Twice. (I would have replaced them but they were BRAND NEW).
*Ran the dishwasher. Every night.
*Ran a special "wash your dishwasher" soap. I think they made that up. I fell for it.
Desperate times, people.
*Hand- mopped the kitchen floor. Which I have never done. In my whole adult life. (You can fuss as me for that later- when the puke trauma has passed.)
*And of course, on a daily basis, prayed to the Good Lord to MAKE IT STOP!

Eventually, it did. Although, both Andy and I still flinch every time we hear a little person cough or breathe funny over the monitor. And bless my hubby's heart, he had only been home from Buffalo for about three days when this all started.

Nothing says Happy Off-Season! like three projectiling children.

And I need to say, I would have been lost without him. He was amazing.

Except for the laundry.

I don't blame him.

He has a bad gag reflex.

At least, that's what he says......

I'm a Pepper, You're a Pepper

2010-09-24T15:05:00.005-04:00

Years ago, before there was even a hint of a gaggle, we lived in Arizona. One of my baseball friends had me over one day and she had a new drink in her fridge. I am not a fan of anything cherry, but I really didn't want water so I gave it a go.

And it was awesome.

I fell in love with Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper. That is until we came home to Kentucky for the off season and they didn't sell it here.

Stink.

But I put on my big girl panties and got over it, because after all, it was just a drink.

Fast forward about five years and three children later, we're in Buffalo. I put regular old Diet Dr. Pepper on the grocery list for my hubby and he accidentally grabs

Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper.

Hellllloooo Buffalo!

I knew that this would just be a summer crush. A short term thing. It couldn't possibly last forever, because there's always an off season. The end of the end. (Does anyone else feel like breakin' into Grease's Summer Lovin? Anybody? Alrighty, must have just been me.)

When the girls and I packed up to come home this season, I just threw the half a twelve pack in the van that I had left without even thinking about stocking up. I like to break up quickly, it's less painful.

My mother-in-law, Lesley, saw it in our fridge a few days after we got back. She asked about it and I said

If you EVER see this in any store, anywhere, BUY IT.

Apparently she took me seriously. I don't know if it was how loud I stated my demands or the crazy look in my eye, but she heard me.

And she became a woman on a mission.

A few weeks later, my birthday rolled around. I'm not one of those hide-your-age (33) kinda gals, but I'm also not the person who's all

HEYITSMYBIRTHDAYLOOKATME!

So I was thankful for a quiet morning of resting and showering before 10 am, breakfast in bed (thanks babe) and later that day a great dinner at my sister-in-law's house. (Who, by the way is my husband's favorite cook. No, that doesn't hurt my feelings. She's my favorite cook too.)

I found it a little odd when Lesley asked Andy to help carry my gift in. She's great about getting my favorite scent from Yankee Candle or a book I've been dying to get my hands on. But a heavy box? What in the world?

And then I opened it. And I squealed like a 13 year old girl.

She found it. She took her mission straight to the top.

The woman called Dr. Pepper.

She called Dr. Pepper! Hello, why didn't I think of that?

Apparently she sat on hold for quite some time, argued with an automated machine that wanted to help her find Diet Berries and Cream Dr. Pepper (blech!) and finally reached someone who could help her.

She then drove almost sixty miles (one way!) to a Kroger that carries it.

That's love.

And determination.

And a little bit crazy.

And I am so thankful that she took the time to do something so special for me!

I'm also wondering if there is anyone in Shelbyville, KY that would like to become my supplier? Anyone?

Anyhoo, little did we know how much this mama was going to need that caffeinated deliciousness. Because starting that very evening..........

My next post may contain words like poop and vomit. Also a possibility are phrases such as "oh crap", "not AGAIN", "help us, Jesus" and "where did you put the carpet cleaner?". Consider yourself warned, and have a pleasant day.

Nineteen Months

2010-09-08T16:35:00.000-04:00

Last summer I was nursing two babies. This summer they have cut 11 (going on 13) teeth.

Man, am I glad that those two weren't going on at the same time.

My baby girls are growing so fast. They're communicating more and they want to do things just like their big sister. Which is really cute when all three are coloring at the table.

Not so cute when they launch themselves up and down the steps.

I'm not too good at keeping baby books. I stink at it. Okay fine, I haven't even started Lainey's! And so bear with me, while I jot a few things down that I don't want to forget...... times two.

Anna, 19 months

Stats - weight 25 lbs, height 32.5 inches, 5 1/2 shoe.

Words - Mom, Mama, Mommmmmmmmyyyy, No, Nainey (Lainey), Boobie (Buike), Emmy (ironically, she's talking about a good family friend, not her sister!), Mommy, Daddy, Apple, No, Nack (Snack), Pees (Please), Tat too (Thanks), Moe (more), Ball, No, Uppy (up), Off (as in, please remove my clothing), and Shoe. Also, she has a plethora of animal sounds, my personal favorite being the owl. She purses her little lips and the tiniest little whisper of a "hoooo" comes out. It makes me want to smoosh her.

Likes - Eating. Reading. Eating some more. Playing in the sand. Driving the cozy coupe. Nainey. Clifford the Big Red Dog. Babies. Being a ham. Blowing bubbles. The Every Step I Make video on YouTube. Straw sippy cups. Telling stories.

Dislikes - Sharing. Drinking without a straw. Asparagus. (can you blame her?)

Anna is a flirt and a ham. She loves to play with her babies and gives great kisses. She dances like her mama, which is a problem. She talks gibberish all day long, usually while pointing at something to enhance the story. None of us understand any of it, but respond like we do.

Emily, 19 Months

Stats - weight 23.5 pounds, height 33 inches tall, 5 1/2 shoe. Dimple on the left cheek (on her face, people!)

Words - Nainey, Yay, Nack (Snack), Good Gurl (Buike and all dogs), Book, Bubbles, Shoe, Toe, Owie, Boo-boo, Apple, Noe (nose), Mommmmmmmmmyyyy, Daddy, Pees (Please), Tat too (Thanks), Moe (more), No, Ball, Baby, Nigh-Nigh and several animal sounds.

Likes - Climbing, running, climbing some more, turning a book page by page, eating, playing alone, buckling herself into the stroller (and the carseat, and the eat seat), putting on shoes (and socks!), Buike, walking down the slide, walking up the slide, riding in the wagon, putting on random pieces of clothing (not that we have alot of that lying around. Okay, we do.), straw sippy cups.

Dislikes - Sharing. Grilled cheese. Strangers.

Emily tends to be quiet while taking it all in. She has an adorable grin that has to be earned, but it's worth it. She will probably learn how to use our power tools before we do. She gives incredible, ring your neck hugs. She has started to "sing" the tune to the ABC song.

.........................................................................
The older you get, the more alike you look.

You fight over the Cozy Coupe. Anna usually wins.
You fight over my lap when we read books, thankfully I have room for both.

When I announce it's time to brush your teeth, you both squeal and come running.
When I announce it's time for bed, you both squeal and run away.

You recently spent 20 minutes playing quietly together.
I caught a glimpse of heaven.

You both love music and have heard quite a range of it thanks to your big sister. Current favorites include "Don't Stop Believin" and "You Never Let Go".

You would both rather play with my cell phone than your toys.

You both have curly hair, although Emily's is the curliest. We've started to experiment with product. Help us, Jesus.

You recently hugged your sister at the same time. I called it the Lainey Sandwich. It made her day.

I still dress you alike. I'm sorry.

And I think we need a bigger sand box.

- The Mama

Right Now

2010-08-30T21:56:00.003-04:00

Every night when I put Lainey to bed I ask her

What was your favorite part of the day?

The answers tend to vary from favorite foods to seeing a friend to going to the park.

After I get her answer she asks me the same question.

I try not to always say

I really enjoyed nap time.

But some days that's all I can come up with.

Today was a big day. She went to school (which she thoroughly enjoys), she ate at "Paneras" (um, hello, BAGEL) with Lilang and she was able to sneak in a little playing time with her main squeeze, Jake.

So tonight, while cuddling in her big girl bed (after pottying, brushing, reading, praying, and singing) I said

So Lainey Loo, what was your favorite part of the day?

She looked me dead in the eyes and said

Right now.

Oh my word.

Be still my heart.

And may the memory of those two simple words get me through her teenage years.

The end.

Our Weeso

2010-08-27T21:52:00.003-04:00

Andy's grandmother passed away recently after having a stroke last month.

If you knew her at all you would realize that she would have poked me in the eye for calling her "grandmother".

She was Wes, or Weeso. She was a teacher, a mom, a grandmother and a great-grandmother. If she liked you, good, if she didn't, you knew it. She taught Andy how to hop up the stairs on one foot and take his vitamins. She passed out sugar money before you took a road trip and took it back if your skirt was too short (okay, maybe that was just me). She loved Christmas and knew how to make it fun. She loved it so much her tree usually stayed up year round. Even when the Easter parade was marching through it.

She was real. And she loved her family. She loved sports and she taught them well. She stepped in for my husband and his brother when their dad left.

She was Weeso.

She scared a lot of my friends when we were in high school, she smoked for years. She drove super fast and she loved Dean Martin. She didn't like girls. God gave her four of them.

When I had the twins she mentioned that it was good that I had lots of girls.

Why, Wes?

They take care of you when you get old.

She brought stuffed animals for my girls, more than I wanted. Taught Lainey that a dollar would go far at the dollar store.

She sang songs from the old days. Even when her memory was a little shaky, she knew all the words.

She was Andy's biggest fan and loudest critic. She made him better. She made him a ball player.

There are too many things and I cannot put it into words. It's sad that she's gone. For my husband, it was like burying a parent.

Heart-breaking.

I think Lainey said it best.

I told her, after the stroke, that Weeso may have to go to heaven soon.

She asked why.

I told her.

She said,

but mom, she's our Weeso.

And she was. Loud and funny, bossy and sweet. Real and loving. Giving. Oh, so giving.

She was our Weeso.

And we miss her.

Where Are You? The Grand Finale

2010-08-11T06:00:00.000-04:00

Many moons ago, I fell in love with this boy. This boy who played baseball. So I started going to his games, because that was the only time I could see him.

Man, if only I knew what I was headed for.

Actually, if I knew, I would do it

All. Over. Again.

Seriously.

So now, nearly twenty (gulp) years later, I go to the ballpark, because it's still where I can see him. And I bring my little gaggle with me.

Lainey loves going to games. When she wakes up in the morning one of her first questions is

is today a day game or a night game?

She has it down to a science. She knows the roads we turn on to get there and recognizes billboards along the way. As soon as she spots it, everyone in the van knows because she yells

STADIUM!!

Every. Single. Time.

This is where she plays with her ever-changing (thanks alot trade deadline!) posse, runs in the batting cages during rain delays, and dances every time the music starts.

So long as you count jumping around and flailing your arms as dancing.

Which in this house, we do.

This is the place, where every time number 10 steps up to the plate, you will hear

DADDY! THAT'S MY DADDY!

(So much for keeping the family section private.)

This is where my Littles stay in their stroller for nearly 7 innings. So long as they're eating. Or reading. Or ~~chewing on crayons~~ coloring. Or eating. Ask either one of them where daddy is and they point to the field. Emily points and says

ball.

They totally get it.

This ballpark is our home away from home away from home away from home. Wait,that's not right. I think I had to many away-from-homes in there. Um, you get the gist.

So, without further adieu,

The Stadium.......

First, we take the glamorous service entrance, just past the stinky garbage truck. Don't be jealous.

Then we walk down the long darkish hall in the basement...

and turn left into the elevator room. This is where the babies squeal every time they see the Buffalo Logo because they know that at the top of the ride is....

Ms. Laurie, who has pretzels for them and lollipops for Lainey. Bless their hearts. They get really excited about the pretzels. We haven't told them about lollies yet.

Snack time for the babies. This is actually their first (whole) apples. Now they won't eat them any other way. It's kinda messy. And gross.

But their teeth get really clean!

DADDY! THAT'S MY DADDY!

This is Bob, crossword puzzle doer extraordinaire, and keeper of the family room. He keeps track of who should and shouldn't be there. He replaces batteries in toys before we even ask, and he doesn't mind the chaos that is a room full of children who have been cooped up for nine innings.

And the family room. The t.v. is always tuned to the ballgame, should the babies need to stretch their legs. It's also where the Booster Club sends their leftover furniture to die.

So that's it. Our home away from home away from...

Stink, never mind.

That's the end.

It's where we are.

For now.

Where Are You ? Part Two and One-half

2010-08-05T14:20:00.018-04:00

Last week I posted a photo of the disaster area otherwise known as our living room. No less than 48 hours later I had an email from my sweet Aunt Erma declaring that she and Uncle Bill were coming to visit.

And she wanted to help me clean.

Next week I will share a picture of my overflowing laundry basket and unmade beds. You know, should anyone be interested.......

Anyhoo, we had company! It was great timing on their part, because we were nearing the end of an eight day road trip and were missing daddy something fierce.

Uncle Bill and Aunt Erma were the perfect distraction. They brought toys, balloons and volunteered to help us go on a field trip like no other.....

Niagara Falls.

I know, I know, how could I have failed to mention this on the last post? Well, to be honest, I had never been. I may be capable of alot with my three little ladies but taking them to a gigantic waterfall and trying to keep them from going over in a barrel was not high on my to-do list.

But, three on three is totally doable!(?)!

And so, for the grandparents, Niagara Falls.......

We even managed to take the fantastic voyage that is the Maid of the Mist. Lainey loved every sopping minute of it.

The Littles were not so impressed. Anna continually fluttered her eyelids clearly wondering where in the world all this water was coming from and Emily would not stop giving the stink-eye.

After the girls finished lunch Erma volunteered to be the chaser so that they could stretch their little legs before we headed home. I believe at this point she was yelling for help and I just continued to enjoy the fact that I was eating sitting down while Bill videotaped the chaos.

She had everything under control.

Before we even left, Lainey was planning her next trip back. This time she wanted to bring her Daddy. And so, since we had an off day just around the corner, we did.

I wised up and put hats on the babies. They were still unimpressed, but at least stink-eye didn't make an appearance.

And that's how my children managed to make it to Niagara Falls, twice within the span of one week.

And yes, Aunt Erma cleaned something. She mopped the entire kitchen by hand.

That, my friends is love.

Where Are You? Part 2

2010-07-27T16:18:00.017-04:00

I knew something was amiss when my dear husband starting describing the city we were moving to for the season. I may not always be the sharpest tack in the box (I have twins), but when the fact that there's a dog kennel next door is one of the most positive things he can come up with, we're in trouble.

Then he pointed out that players wives could have a free gym membership - with childcare.

That sounds lovely, but the last time I exercised on purpose was a spinning class that resulted in my inability to sit without wincing for nearly two weeks.

No thanks.

Okay, he says, but the local grocery store has babysitting too.

Huh? Doesn't anyone in this town take care of their own children?

Okay, maybe I could use that one. Especially since I have to drag the recycling into the store before the shopping even begins.

Oy.

But ultimately it wouldn't matter where we laid our heads at night, there's not a whole lot this mama can do with an overly talkative 3 year old and two nearly 18 month olds who can leap tall buildings in a single bound.

Okay, that's an exaggeration, she doesn't talk that much.

I digress.

This town has a plethera of very tall trees, which I love and for the first month we were here it did this weird thing where puffs of cotton seeds would fly all over the place, making it look like it was snowing.

Speaking of snow, get a load of this.....

Okay, that's a fire hydrant, you're thinking. What's that got to do with snow?

Notice the white pole with the red stripes at the top?

That's so the firefighters can find the hydrant.

IN THE SNOW.

Let's all take a moment and thank the Lord that Andy plays a summer sport.

Because in this town, along with the Bisons there's also a hockey team and an NFL team.

Just down the road, there's a great little shop that has local produce, deli meats, and sweet treats. We love to get our blueberries there, and the ice cream is delicious.

So I've heard.

On every corner, there's a Tim Horton's which seems to be the go-to for coffee around here. They also carry really yummy donuts.

I mean, that's what someone told me.

We've been to the children's museum twice and there were a few rainy days where the best option we had was Chuck E. Cheese.

Don't knock it, until you try it. Five dollars in tokens can last a really long time when your children don't even know they aren't playing the games.

But I must say that our favorite place to go in this lovely city is the zoo. There are several reasons for this,

The first being that the elephants have good balance.....

The alligators (crocodiles?) are small....

The chickens don't peck.....

It has the bear necessities...

and of course, the team mascot.

In the end, it wouldn't matter if we were living in Timbuktu, because right now, this is where our Daddy is. And being together is so much better than this.....

Where Are You? Part One

2010-07-25T14:19:00.014-04:00

Most seasons we get at least one visit from the ~~in-laws~~, ~~out-laws~~, grandparents. This year is a little different in that almost all of them started new jobs. Along with the blessing of new employment comes the bummer of no vacation time. Which means no visits. Which also means, no break for the mama.

No worries. I have everything under control.

So for the grandparents I'm going to post a three part series entitled

Where Are You?

You heard it right. A series. Don't get too excited. It probably won't ever happen again.

It's just a fancy way of saying I-know-I-can't-fit-it-all-in-one-post-because-nap- time-can-only-last-so-long.

Speaking of naps, Lainey is totally outgrowing hers. She's "resting" in our room, but as I write she's gone from singing Jesus Loves Me to a school yard chant about Michael Jackson coming to town and Pepsi-Cola burning him down.

A huge thanks to the Cousins for teaching her that one. Oh wait, here comes my favorite part,

Lincoln, Lincoln, I've been thinkin', what on earth have you been drinkin', is it whiskey, is it wine, oh my {gosh} goodness it's turpentine.

I may have to start considering home schooling.

And I really need to get on with this post before she launches into a mash-up of Gold Digger and How Great Thou Art.

This is a view of our joint from the road.

Wow, you're thinking, that looks small. There are two reasons for that. One being that the property we're on is a very narrow rectangle so the townhouse sits sideways on it and the other is well,

it's small.

Here's the front/side.

And here's the back/side. The shared laundry room is through that door at the top of the steps in the middle.

The first few weeks we were here I really enjoyed that little path to the laundry room. Even if I was carrying my load in the girls baby doll bed because I forgot a basket. It was peaceful and lovely.

Until The Incident.

One afternoon I went to let the dog in and there was a snake. On my peaceful path. Not only was he slithering around and being all snake-like, he was eating his lunch.

Which was still alive.

For the rest of my days I will never forget that poor little frog with his back legs caught in the vice of the serpent's mouth. He was giving it all he could to hop away, but the snake just kept pulling him back.

Of course, I saw all this in a matter of 3.5 seconds because I RAN back into the house, forgot the dog, ran back out to get him and then ran back in all the while fussing at Andy to save the frog.

SAVE THE FROG!

He said

Do you really want me to mess with nature?

Yes, yes I do.

And what should I use?

We have a broom.

A broom, you want me to save a frog's life with a broom.

Um, yes, yes I do.

And so, because he loves me with all his heart, Andy grabbed the broom and ~~claims to have~~ rescued the frog by shooing away the snake. In my mind all of Frogger's little froggy friends came to get him with a little froggy stretcher made of bark and took him home to recover.

In reality, the snake probably came back and ate him because really, how far can a frog hop without back legs?

Not far, I tell you. Not far at all.

Moving on to the inside.

You've already seen the living room, the dining room and the kitchen. If you could find it in all the mess. I took that shot sitting on the love seat, and here's the view as I turn to the right.

And that concludes our tour of the inside.

I'm just joshin'. But really, that's about it. So here's a view from the kitchen back to the couches.

That thud you just heard? All my friends with good taste who just looked at the windows and fainted. Because who puts a white panel followed by sheers in varying shades of blah? And then, because they think it looks great does it to the next window, in the same order?

I don't know people, I just live here.

Here's the master...

Nothing says romance like a shiny bedspread and garbage bags on the window.
And yes, that is Lainey tackling Anna Grace. I think she was forcing her to smile and then just decided to body slam her.

You know, the usual.

Here's the girls room, complete with garbage bagged window. The Nester would not be proud. For the record, Andy did it. He enjoys his sleep.

I can't really argue with the effectiveness, or the price.

Here we have the lovely bathroom. That's Emily who took it upon herself to brush her teeth. It's totally adorable, aside from the unfortunate fact that she's using someone else's toothbrush.

At least it's not mine.

Finally, the most important feature of this home, according to Lainey.

That's Willie, the miniature horse that lives right behind us. Lainey thinks he's the best and wants to feed him apples and carrots nearly every day.

And so we do.

That concludes this riveting tour of our current home.

Stay tuned for part two of the series which I am calling

Where Are You? Part Two.

Originality is one of my gifts.

A Request

2010-07-16T23:05:00.005-04:00

Today in my email there was a prayer request from a fellow baseball wife. Friends of hers from back home were in the hospital with their 18 month old daughter, Preslee, as she was fighting for her life after falling into a canal at her grandparents home and drowning.

After the game tonight when I checked for updates I learned that she got her healing.

One hundred percent.

In the arms of Jesus.

What I am asking of you is this, please pray for her parents, Patrick and Ashley. I don't really have the words to express what they may be feeling. Pray for her grandparents, as they were babysitting when this all happened.

And tomorrow, when you're about to pull your hair out because your children are driving you batty....take a deep breath, thank the Lord that they are healthy and give them an extra squeeze or two.

That's what I'll be doing.

http://patrickandashley.blogspot.com/

Someone to Watch Over Me

2010-07-06T23:04:00.007-04:00

One day last week I was reorganizing our Hymnal for Worship & Celebration while sitting at the dining room table. Actually, I was putting it back together, all seven hundred and twenty pages of it, because my budding musicians, Emily and Lainey "accidentally" dropped it while they were ~~pounding~~ playing the piano.

Seven hundred and twenty pages.

Loose sheet music. Out of order.

Once I started getting it back together and into the binder I noticed that one end of the table was seriously smudged. It looked as if I had slathered the girls hands with peanut butter and told them to go nuts.

Although some days do get a little chaotic around here I don't recall doing such a thing. But maybe?......

Upon closer inspection I realized that these prints went too far into the table to be my little people.

Then someone pooped, someone got stuck under a table, someone else needed a snack and I forgot all about the smudges.

Until tonight.

While the girls were playing outside with Lilang and the neighbors, I came inside to clean up a little.

It was then that I spotted this.

I am partly to blame. For two years after we moved into this house I put a dining room chair next to the window with the blinds turned so that Buike could see when we were coming and going. Then when I was pregnant with the twins we started contemplating selling our house and I moved the chair back under the table to avoid weird carpet marks by the window.

Apparently our poor little buddy was missing his perch.

And he takes his job as guard dog very seriously.

So when I said to him

Buike Green, what do you think you're doing?

He gave me this look that meant,

Oh, good. You're here. Do you think you could move that chair so I can keep a better eye on my girls?

And so, after my heart melted just a bit, I did.

Neighborhood Watch has nothing on him.

Locks Lots of Love

2010-06-30T15:14:00.012-04:00

When Lainey was about 18 months old I took her for her first hair cut.

It didn't go well, at all.

Actually, it didn't even happen. The poor stylist had this cute little cover and a booster seat, none of which calmed Lainey down and when the scissors came out, she screamed like a banshee.

Not that I've ever heard a banshee scream.

But it was loud. And dramatic.

We tried again last summer with a friend. I thought it might go better if she watched someone else get a trim and hop on the peer pressure band wagon to get one herself.

Strike two.

So we just got over it. I decided it would be okay if her hair just grew and grew and grew. We could only hope that the kids in middle school wouldn't make fun of her when she waltzed in looking all Crystal Gayle-ish.

Don't it make my brown eyes blue.

Sorry.

So fast forward to this summer and she was showing some serious princess hair. Her friend Emersyn, from the aforementioned trim attempt, was also carrying some major length. Somewhere along the way, we mommies decided to let it grow until it was long enough to chop it off for a good cause. Might as well work a life lesson into the deal and maybe it would give Lainey enough time to overcome her fear of capes and shears.

We started casually chatting with our long locked ladies about helping other little girls. Girls who are battling cancer. Girls like Kate.

(Kate has just finished her treatments for a brain tumor that showed up about a year ago. Instead of getting ready for Kindergarten, she had to prepare for intense chemotherapy. At the age of five. Her parents are believing for the miracle of life, as are the thousands of us who are following her story.)

Turns out, all my girl needed was a little inspiration. And Emmy was ready to roll from the git-go.

And so, the story of cutting hair to help others, in photos.

*Shout out to Brian The Haircutter (as he shall forever more be known) for doing such a great job. Thanks for your patience. Sorry you had to tell her to sit up straight 674 times. She gets the slouching from me.

*Thank you to Nathan and Courtney for helping me wrangle the Littles while the big girls were getting groomed.

*The seventh photo in the series of haircut pics is Bella, Emersyn's twin. She was getting her hair trimmed while we were there. She didn't complain one bit while we were making such a fuss over Lainey and Emersyn. She's one of the funniest kids you'll ever meet. She cracked me up in this pic because she made a face that totally resembled her daddy. Whom I went to homecoming with in high school. Three times.

Another post for another day, people.

*The last photo of Lainey is one of the first I've seen that made me think she looks like me. Bless her heart.

*Lainey loves her new short do. When we were pulling into the garage on our way home from the cut she said

Mom, can you get me and my haircut out first?

New order of van evacuation,

Lainey
Lainey's hair
Anna
Emily

Sounds about right.

Shoe-wee

2010-06-20T06:00:00.002-04:00

Dear ~~Cheap Shoes From W@lmart~~ Precious Pink Shoes,
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Finally a pair of shoes that my little ladies
would keep on. Seriously, if I had a nickle for every time I had to re-shoe a child

I'd have a lot of nickles.

For some reason, they chose you to be the first pair of shoes they would actually wear. Maybe it was because you were pink and cute. Maybe you were comfy. Maybe you were too tight.

Whether it was due to keen fashion sense, or a lack of circulation, you stayed on.

And my mind was saved.

Until last week.

They just plumb wore you out, didn't they? Two little running babies can do that to a ~~mama~~ pair(s) of shoes.

You had blue chalk on the sides, ripped insoles, and were about two walks down the driveway away from holes in the bottom.

Most moms would save such precious memories. Store them away to look at again. Sigh and say

ah, remember when they were so little? What happened to my babies?

But alas, I cannot.

Because dear cheap shoes from W@lmart, you smell.

To high heaven.

Son of a gun, it's bad.

Like jr-high-boys-locker-room bad.

So despite your valued service, I am sending you to shoe heaven.

Which is code for the dump.

Forgive me and thank you.

Sincerely,
Anna Grace and Emily's mama

Ten Years Down.....

2010-06-17T22:35:00.003-04:00

Forever more to go.

AshB really is a Star

2010-05-30T06:00:00.001-04:00

Driving down the interstate Andy looked at me and said

This is never going to work. It will be a miracle if she gets one shot of all of us even remotely looking at her, let alone smiling.

Let me tell you people, miracles do happen.

Let's back up.

I was really itching to get family portraits done. I had called around at home before we left for spring training and well, some of the quoted prices were more than my first car.

Which if you saw the car, you would realize that it couldn't have been that much, but still, more than a car? Um, no thanks.

Once we got settled in Florida I checked out some photographers in the area, thinking maybe we would do something on the beach. Then I got nervous about my ~~sand eaters~~ babies and realized, that would not be a lovely portrait.

Then one fateful night we went for a walk, made it all the way to the next driveway and Lainey totally bit it. Poor thing scraped her face from forehead to chin, including her nose and upper lip.

Did I mention that she was showing the girls how fast she could run? She was.

Bless her heart.

And her coordination.

As I watched her little pink crocks go flying through the air, all photography dreams went soaring with them.

But as we neared the end of our stay, I realized that her nose wasn't looking too bad. And the upper lip was nearly healed. And if she tilted her head juuuuuust right, you would never even know about the face-plant incident.

So quickly, before anyone fell, or needed stitches, or ran smack into a doorway, I called our friend Ashley.

Ashley is a fellow baseball wife who has taken up photography as a hobby.

And she's stinkin' good at it.

We were together for several years in the Diamondbacks organization. We ~~survived~~ lived in places like El Paso, TX, Lancaster, CA and Tucson, AZ. The crazy thing is, the last time we were together was a baby shower, for both of us. Ashley was pregnant with Miss Ava, and I was carrying the Lainey Bug. Oh and one time she sat in Matt Damon's lap during a movie.

That last thing has nothing to do with my current story, I just thought you should know.

Seriously, Matt Damon.

On his lap.

Did I mention they frolicked on the beach? Because they did.

Sorry, got a little distracted.

Focus.

Photography skills. She's got 'em. And when I said

how do you feel about trying to capture mobile twins, a talkative three old, and two side-tracked parents?

She said

Bring it. No worries. I'd love to.

And so we did.

This gal totally captured my girls even as they ran ~~wild~~ free. She scaled playground equipment, squatted in the grass, and even sacrificed her body by lying in the street.

Twice.

And the results? Well, to say that we were pleased is putting it mildly.

A little taste of reality....

and yes, those are my new jeans.

I know you were wondering.

So if you're ever in the Tucson area, or Miami, or wherever baseball takes her, you should give her a call. She's amazing. And wonderful.

And she sat on Matt Damon's lap.

On the beach.

I'm just sayin'.

Big Ambitions

2010-05-22T18:21:00.014-04:00

During spring training I had two goals. One was to make it through our entire time in Florida without encountering a snake. The second was to get my girls to the beach.

One for two ain't bad.

Let's not dwell on the whole snake thing, just know that I kept my cool and didn't run screaming like a little sissy. I was quite brave. But I would like to get a memo to the snakes of Florida, actually to snakes everywhere,

Could you do this mama a favor and stay away from Easter Egg hunts that involve small children and scary, man-sized bunnies?

Thank you.

Now you may be thinking, wow, you really know how to go all out. Getting your girls to the beach ONE time, when you were in Florida for six weeks.

Here's the thing. There was really no way for me to take all three little ladies to the beach by myself. Emily was walking, Anna had just started and Lainey was totally enamored with digging in the sand. Add to the fact that I had no idea how they would each react to the sand and/or ocean upon seeing it for the first time. That and all I could picture was my babies trying to eat all the sand their little fingers could grasp.

(For the record, Lainey had been to the beach two spring trainings ago, and she LOVED it. But seeing as she was still an itty-bitty-smooshie-wittle baby, she had no recollection.)

I may be ~~crazy~~ brave, but I haven't lost all my faculties.

Yet.

The big day arrived, and it happened to be Easter Sunday. And our last day in Florida.

Try not to cram too much in one day there, gal.

My mama was in town, getting geared up to help me make the trek back to the Bluegrass State. When you have three toddlers, one adult per child may still not be enough. But we're tough.

Let me tell you, the look on Lainey Bug's face when she took in the enormity of the crashing waves and the sheer volume of sand for her to dig in, totally worth the wait.

Emily was completely smitten. That or she was just happy to have the freedom to run amuck.

And Anna Grace, well, she needed some time to come to grips with one thing. Sand.

What do you think girls, maybe next year we'll go twice?

And the Answer Is...

2010-04-26T06:00:00.000-04:00

Emmy Loo.

AnnaGrace was quite enamored with the water and her big sister.

Ooh, Lainey, you're the best water-pourer-inner ever! YAY!

I don't know...it looks kinda cold.

Oh look, a stick.

AnnaBoo really got into it.

I have no idea where she got that idea.

Hey guys, how 'bout soccer? Guys? I think I just scored a goal...

Anybody?

Can you guess?

2010-04-23T06:04:00.001-04:00

which little cutie-pie

would rather play with sticks and wander about

than play in the water table with her sisters?

Stay tuned to find out.............

Twinnie Tuesday - Twin Talk Edition

2010-04-20T11:02:00.003-04:00

There's a rumor out there that twins have their own language. I'm here to tell you, it's true(ish). I've read a little about twinspeak and from what I've gathered, it's not an actual secret language as much as it is repeating and reinforcing each other's gibberish.

Our girls do it the most when they are on separate floors of the house. Recently Anna was upstairs with me and she continually yelled down to Emily, who in turn yelled up to her.

None of which Lainey or I understood.

And once they were reunited, it stopped. I like to think that they were comforting each other, but I have a feeling Anna was saying something along the lines of

Nananabooboo, I'm up here with Mama, and you're all alooone.

She's been a little feisty lately, with all the teething she's got going on.

Bless her.

This has been such a different road that the one we were on with Lainey. When she was this age she had over 100 words that she used ALL THE TIME.

But she sat still while she gabbed.

These two little ladies don't sit still. Ever.

And they have a few words, but they are very basic, and they don't really use them on their own, I have to ask them to repeat them.

So we've started with sign language to try to cross the communication barrier and cut down on frustration. So far Emily signs "more", "please" and a hilarious version of "all done".

When I ask Anna to sign "please" or "more" instead of shouting for more food she shakes her head "no".

Tell me she doesn't know what's going on.

Sigh.

So yesterday at lunchtime, I was once again trying to get Anna to "say" please or more in requesting some of her beloved honey bunnies.

Again, she shook her head at me.

Lord, please help us during the teenage years. Amen.

And then Emily did this.

Nothing to see here mom, nope, just minding my own business.....

Relishing in the success of sharing.....

Clearly, Emily is the director of communications for this posse and she thought her "please, more" was enough to cover the both of them.

My bad.

Birthday Palooza, Take Two

2010-04-12T06:00:00.002-04:00

One year old birthday parties are funny to me because, well the one year old doesn't really give a hoot.

At all.

Lainey's first birthday consisted of us staring at her while she didn't enjoy her cake. (Clearly she has refined her palate since then). Then opening the presents for her while she shredded the wrapping paper.

It was a wild one.

So when we were thinking of ways to celebrate ~~surviving~~ the first year of Anna Grace and Emily we knew we wanted to do something a little different. There would be food, and family and of course CAKE, but maybe we give gifts instead of receiving them.

Now let me just say, I'm all for my girls getting gifts. I want them to be gracious givers and receivers, but the Littles don't need a blessed thing. Thanks to Big Sister's expansive collection they have alot to choose from and really, they would rather play with clothes in a laundry basket (clean/dirty they have no preference) than anything with the words Fisher-Price emblazoned on it.

So lieu of gifts we asked folks to bring food for the Circles of Influence backpack program at our church. It was a total win-win. Kids in our community got some much needed food and I didn't have to clean up shreds of paper (times two!). Awesome.

Hats? Really? Um, no thanks.

Anna loved her cupcake.

As did Emily, although she was more about the icing than anything else.

Lainey was on her second before I caught her.

After all the hoopla, our sweet girls made their way upstairs to bed.

Dear Anna Grace and Emily,
You, my loves, have been the best surprise this mama could ever have. You have smiles that light up a room and personalities to match. It may be crazier at our house now, but it's a good crazy. Can't wait to see what fun you all have in store for us this next year. Thank you for being such good babies, and thank you Lord that they are healthy.
I love you Anna.
I love you Emily.
~Mama

To All of Lainey's Future College Friends

2010-03-26T06:00:00.004-04:00

If Lainey still has a tendency to say words wrong or mess up her sentence structure every now and again, you can blame me. But I had a really good reason.

She was growing up way too fast.

It's funny because she started talking way before walking and is actually quite good at it. But it recently dawned on me that she's headed toward that big girl stage where she won't change words around or pronounce them wrong.

So I stopped correcting her.

You heard me.

Like when she put my glasses on and told me that my face looked flurry (blurry). I just smiled and said

it sure does.

Or when she gets frustrated with something new she's trying and says

I can't (don't) know how!

I just help her figure it out.

And the other night when her Daddy rented Jungle Book for her?

We've all been singing "Bear NeSesames" ever since.

One night we were laying in bed with her, doing the tucking in thing. She poked Andy in the nose and said

bunk.

He tried to convince her it's either honk or bonk, but she wasn't having it.

And I was so proud.

So if you're sitting in class with her and she tells you

my feets are cold

or asks you

how many pieces of rain are falling?

Just smile, nod and help her find an umbrella and some dry socks.

That's what I would do.

Thank you,
Lainey's Mama

What She Said

2010-03-14T06:00:00.001-04:00

These words from Missy at It's Almost Naptime are SPOT ON!

Love it.

Hope to live it.

Hugs,
Jessie

Pants on the Ground

2010-03-11T06:00:00.001-05:00

One afternoon this off-season my husband declared he'd had enough. Nearly ten years of marriage and he just couldn't take it anymore. His exact words were

Will you please pull your pants up!?!

I just smiled at him and moved on, because I was doing all I could.

I had my belt on for crying out loud.

Later, I was reclining on the couch, reading the paper and I felt someone staring at me. I looked up to see my sweet man, leering over me, swinging an old phone charger cord. I was pretty sure he wasn't getting ready to strangle me, but I relaxed a little when he said

Stand up, I'm gonna measure you.

Well, sure you are honey. I'm sure that's exactly what Vera Wang uses in a pinch.

He "measured" my waist, my hips, my legs, my knees and my bust. The last one was purely for him.

Silly boy.

After calculating all of his very precise measurements and lots of deep sighing he came to a startling realization.

I was missing six inches in the booty department.

Stop laughing.

Most jeans have a difference of approximately 10 inches between the waist and the largest part of the hips.

I have four.

Which totally explains the parking lot incident.

Ready for this one? I was taking all three gals in for groceries and knew I needed a cart. So I had a baby on each hip and Lainey holding my back jean pocket.

It was a fool-proof plan.

Until she tripped.

And pulled them down.

Which wouldn't have been a big deal except my panties went with them.

And I couldn't pull them up, because of said baby in each arm.

It's at this point that I would like to sincerely apologize to the mama walking behind us. Thank you for giggling quietly. Forgive me for mooning you. And your child. I hope you shielded her eyes from the glare. Here's hoping we never meet again. Ever.

I digress.

When my hubby gets something in his head, he doesn't relax until he knows everything about the subject. He researched inseams, pocket placement, proper measurement and things I didn't even know mattered. For a few days, I would find random pairs of pants lying on the bathroom floor where he had measured them.

And clearly forgotten to put them away.

I then knew he was completely serious when he mentioned a four letter word.

M-A-L-L.

For the record, in the twins entire first year of life we had been to the mall as a family exactly zero times.

So off we went. First stop, Chik-fil-A. Second stop, Macy's.

I tried on more jeans than I care to mention, but miracle upon miracles, there was a certain brand that FIT. I nearly shouted with joy. Until I saw the price tag. And then I teared up.

Those stinkin' dressing rooms can be such an emotional roller coaster.

But, what I didn't realize was this was purely research. My man had a plan.

It's called ebay.

So no more saggy bottom drawers for this mama. I am now the proud owner of three pairs of proper fitting jeans.

But I still wear a belt.

One can never be too careful.

A Tale of Two Biddies

2010-03-07T09:39:00.002-05:00

One afternoon this week the girlies and I made an emergency run to Wal-mart. We needed side walk chalk. Clearly, we cannot enjoy the sunshine in Florida without it.
While we were there gathering the necessities and trying our ~~hands~~ hips at hula-hooping (Lainey and I both have a little ways to go before we get that one down) the girls got lots of ews and ahs about how cute they were. Nothing makes an
~~old fogey~~ experienced person happier than seeing well-behaved children. And twins with matching hair bows? Nearly puts them in a diabetic coma, they're so sweet.

Except for one old gal.

I was in the produce department searching for a firm green pepper when I noticed her staring at my brood. She glanced at me and said

These your twins?

*Yes, ma'am.

She yours too?

*You betcha.

I assume this is all you have? (while giving the knowing eye that SURELY there can't be MORE!)

and then I actually said

*For now! Have a great day!

and we rolled away.

In hindsight I wish I would have gone all Duggar on her and said

Nope, the older 16 are at home on the back forty making soap.

But I never think of those things when they're appropriate. Plus, I'm a chicken. And truly, if I were to get pregnant any time in the near future my new address would be

123 Loony Bin in Crazy Town, USA.

But when someone else thinks that I already have enough children and they roll their eyes at the ones I already have? Kinda ruffles this mama's feathers. Just a bit.

I managed to get over it, because really, bless her heart, maybe she had a bad childhood. Maybe she was having a bad hair day. Maybe she forgot her fiber. Regardless, I hope she did have a great day.

And 37 great grandchildren.

Anyhoo, we checked out, headed to the van and as I was loading my crew (which is code for my booty was hanging out the side door as I was buckling one baby while keeping an eye on the other baby who has a tendency to climb out of the cart and fussing at Lainey to please get into her seat and stop puttering around because it's bloomin' hot in here and I want to get groceries in the front and the engine running before our sour cream really lives up to it's name) I hear

Excuse me, ma'am?

*Yes? (as I awkwardly hung my head out the door)

I just wanted to say that I saw you in the store and your children are adorable and so well behaved and clean. You're a great mom.

Blessings on you, sweet little dark-haired lady with cool shades. You totally made my day.

And made me wonder if there are a lot of dirt covered children running around Florida.

Sugar and Spice, Hold the Spice

2010-02-25T06:00:00.000-05:00

Right after the holiday season we Greenies enter another season of celebrations.

We call it Birthday Palooza.

Actually, we don't call it anything, but I'm hoping that phrase catches on. Lainey's birthday is in January and the Littles celebrate a few weeks later in early February.

We had two (TWO!) parties for Lainey, which was just fine by her because that meant more cake.

The girl LOVES cake. And anything else that involves a spike in her blood sugar.

A few days ago I was divvying up some animal crackers to the Littles and there was only one left in the bag. I offered it to Lainey and she grabbed it, stood on her chair, and yelled

THANK YOU JESUS!

The sweet tooth is me; the drama, I have no idea.

We don't deprive our gals of sugar, but we don't offer it. Lainey's favorite drink is water. She really didn't have any sweets on a regular basis until we started potty training.

My friends, there are some parts of parenting which completely require bribery.

Anyhoo, the family party was lovely and who doesn't love a room full of cousins and pizza? Plus, there was cake.

Then for the second extravaganza we had lots of little people and their ~~drivers~~ parents for jumping house (daddy's plan), a craft (nerd mommy's plan) and more CAKE (clearly Lainey's gig). And this cake? Well, it was the real deal. Totally put my Betty Crocker self to shame. A friend from our high school days makes them for fun.

Did you hear me? FOR THE FUN OF IT!

Yeah, but can a cake that looks adorable taste any good?

Um, yes.

I will decline to give an exact count to the number of pieces consumed by the Mr. and myself for a few evenings following Birthday Palooza #2 (see, it's totally catching on!), but I did have to loosen my belt a notch. Or two.

Jumping themselves silly

~~Nerd's~~ Mama's craft

Okay, whose crazy idea was it to sit the little people down and give them glue?

Make a wish sweet baby girl, make a wish.

Lainey Bug,
You, my girl, are a gift. Every day with you is an adventure. You are so patient with your sisters, and they adore you. I hope to help you become all that God intends you to be. Strong, but humble. Gracious and sincere. Faithful and trustworthy. I am proud of you. I love you.
Mama

The Whole Truth and Nothin But the Truth

2010-02-21T21:58:00.003-05:00

Hey Lainey

*what

did you write on your eye?

*nope

so, you didn't use a marker to write on your right eye?

*no

are you sure?

*I didn't write on my eye, mama.
I poked myself in the eye and then colored it.
I didn't write on it.

So help me God.

Hmmm...

2010-01-31T15:00:00.002-05:00

Do these sweet faces....

look jealous to you?

Because they were, they totally were.

Merry Happy ThanksChristmas

2010-01-19T11:58:00.000-05:00

I have been wracking my brain trying to find a way to describe our holiday season with a cheerful twist and it turns out, I can't. I'm not saying it was bad, but stinky might be the most appropriate word.

Let's recap, shall we?

Halloween was fine. My girls were all decked out as the cutest Minnie Mouses (Minnie Mice?) you've ever seen. This was the first time Lainey actually went to a few neighbors homes for candy and she was thrilled. She said

you mean, it's Halloween at their house, too!?!

Love her.

The pumpkin in inconsequential, I just thought Andy did a really great first-time-ever carving job.

You can't even see the toothpick that's holding the top tooth in.

Also, if you look at the bottom right you'll notice a burnt spot on the top of the pumpkin "lid" (is that what you call it?). I got a little carried away with the size of candle that lit Mr Lantern's face.

My bad.

We hit November with grand intentions. Miss Kendra made the cutest little shirts for all three of my turkeys and Daddy had a great trip to the Dominican Republic with his college baseball coach, Keith Madison, who now works for Score International. This is where things started to get dicey. Andy had a wonderful week in the Dominican, but ate something at the airport on the return trip that had him spending vast amounts of quality time with our Japanese toiled seat.

Don't ask.

Then our little Emmy starting barking. I wish it was because she was already good at animal sounds, but she's not that advanced.

She had croup.

We had some serious bonding time in the bathroom that night with the hot shower going full blast followed by lovely strolls through the moonlight. It was kinda like being at a spa, only it wasn't.

She got better after a few doses of prednisone.

*Note to self - When the pediatrician says that this medication may make her a little cranky, she means, this medication will completely alter your child's personality and will cause her to yell. All day. For five days.

On Thanksgiving Day Andy braved the cold and fried up one great bird. We can't even see damage from the vast amounts of burning oil that may have spilled because we may have measured the amount needed incorrectly.

Except when it rains.

Unfortunately, he didn't really get to enjoy his efforts because it was his first real meal after the airport food incident and he didn't want to push it. The girls looked adorable in their new duds, but of course I don't have a photo of all three of them. That would be a miracle.

Then came December. I hadn't really done much to get ready for Christmas, but really, when I have I ever? I had PLENTY of time to shop, order, wrap and bake the week before the holiday.

Um, not so much.

Poor little Lainey Bug got viral pneumonia and was hospitalized for a week. It was miserable. She was coughing so hard and having such a rough go, it was heartbreaking. When she was admitted she couldn't even talk, it was too much work. I am so thankful for the care she received that week. We've always loved our pediatrician and her nurses in the ped's unit were amazing.

The first day we were in the hospital, Andy got taken off the Mets roster.
Okay, no worries, we knew that might happen.

A few days later, we got a letter in the mail. From the IRS.

Nothing says Happy Holidays like getting audited.

I know, you can hear Patsy Cline rolling in her grave with jealously with all the songs she could have written.

My sincere apologies to Patsy Cline and her entire family is she is indeed, not dead.

Also, thanks doesn't suffice for all the help we got from family and friends that week. Lainey had nearly 1900 visitors (just a guesstimate, I'm not good with numbers) and several friends brought us food that didn't taste like cardboard. Dear Nana kept the Littles ALL week and lived to tell the tale and Lilang came to the hospital every day to entertain the Bug, who was a little bit batty by the time the week was up.

Or maybe that was me.

Christmas Day was good and chaotic, you know, the usual. The Littles weren't really into it so much, but Lainey got a grand kick out of opening presents. Hers and theirs.

They probably won't be as willing to share the joy next year.

Notice those dresses on the girls? I guess I should have tried them out before Christmas day, but the tags said 12 months. Too bad their little bootys hung out the back like they were trying to join a girl band.

Bless them.

We tried to cap off the year quietly........

but learned that the fire department can get to our house in four minutes.

Anna Grace, Lainey and Buike got locked in the car.

Someone, who shall remain nameless, may have gotten excited that he was going with us to visit the cousins and may have put his little paws on the door, and may have hit the lock button.

So that's our holiday extravaganza 2009.

Here's to a quiet 2010.

Which clearly isn't going to happen around here.

And I wouldn't change a thing.

Twinnie Tuesday

2009-12-29T15:22:00.001-05:00

I'm a mom who always tries to speak the truth. No sugar coating.

Like when Lainey asked why isn't my fuzzy little caterpillar moving anymore and I said,

well, honey that's because Jake smooshed it with his big wheel and now it's dead.

All kids want is the truth.

So when I took the Littles in for their nine month appointment I laid it all out. Warned them that there was going to be some nakedness, some cold stethoscopes and

a shot.

Or two.

They gave me this look

The direct translation for that is

whatchyou talkin' bout, Willis?

(and now everyone knows approximately how old I am. Or wonders what in the world I am talking about.)

There were some tears and yelps of panic, but I recovered and so did they.

Emily Faith was 20 lbs 4 oz 28 1/2 inches and AnnaGrace was 20 lbs 2 oz 28 1/4 inches.

Which totally explains my back pain.

And the crackling sound my left knee makes every time I take the stairs.

We have got some big mamas in this house, and they are so wonderful. Poor things have been cutting more teeth, mostly on our shoulders and fingers.

The bruises should be healed by spring.

Emily now has four and AnnaGrace has three with another on it's way any day. She is desperate to get that bugger in. She's tried everything....

That, or she's considering becoming a vegetarian. I'll keep you posted.

They are both pulling up on everything, including Big Sister's hair. Which doesn't ever end well. For anyone.

Thankfully they have both realized that they have GOT to start chipping in around here. Obviously, mama cannot handle all this alone.

So Emily unloads the dishwasher,

takes care of the bathrooms,

and together they take out the garbage.

I really don't want them to take on too much. For crying out loud, they're still kids. So most of the time, they just hang out.

Much love,
Jess

Of Course You Did

2009-11-30T09:49:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was long. It was just one of those days.

So after we got the exhausted Littles to bed, I had Lainey in the tub. I decided to soak my feet in the warm water and wondered why I hadn't thought of it before. We chatted about toes and nail polish, you know, important things.

Then my sweet, precious, innocent almost three year old looked up at me with those bright baby blues and said,

Mom, I peed in here.

Sigh.

She Works Hard for No Money

2009-11-16T14:32:00.000-05:00

Well folks, it's time. Time for one of those posts where we learn something and are all the better for it. Some people publish favorite recipes, which I am all for, except most of the time, I don't have half the ingredients needed (what in the world is turmeric, anyway?). What about making a quick trip to the store, you're thinking. Ah, friend, these days, there is no such thing.

I mean, by the time I pack the diaper bag, find Lainey's shoe, change Emmy's diaper, find Lainey's other shoe, change Emmy's diaper again because she's pooped, try to find matching socks for the littles, now Anna's spit up, where are the keys, get them in the car, buckle them in, find my sunglasses.......shoo-wee, now I am no longer hungry for what I was gonna make, and I can't remember where I put my list.

Although, someday soon I would love to make these because I have heard that they are UNbelievable. Not that I've actually tasted them,
because it would involve a trip to the store.

And I might have to turn on the oven.

So lets move on to the lesson. A step-by-step approach to something we could all use in these harsh economic times.

Money laundering.

Now, by money laundering, I mean actually washing your money. To be clear, I mean coins, because who would wash bills, that would just be silly.

This started because my sweet husband gave my two year old all the coins out of his piggy bank. Stop giggling, it's completely appropriate for a 32 year old man to have one, we've all got to start saving these days. Anyhoo, she LOVES her collection. Just like her littles, she pours them into cups, carries them in her pockets and spends ~~minutes~~ hours entertained by them every day.

But oh, the stink.

Her hands were smelling so gross every time she played with them. You know, that yucky, musty, metal, just played with money smell?

I was washing her hands 83 times a day. That's in addition to the 34 times we were washing because of potty trips and swine flu prevention.

So I decided, instead of washing her hands all the live long day, why not just wash the coins?*

Some days, I am just that good.

We started with a good ole soak in the sink with really hot water and some not to be mentioned soap. I would post a photo, but I don't have one. You're going to have to use your imagination. Forgive me. I have twins.

Then we swished them around a bit for good measure, and rinsed them off.

Never want to miss a teaching moment for my girl......

The final step is to simply let them air dry. The sun is an amazing tool when it comes to getting stains and stink out.

<

No joke, these things cleaned up quite nicely. They may have been a little too shiny because Emily crawled right into the glass door and bruised her noggin. I think she was blinded by the light. That or she may need glasses. And a helmet.

So there you have it. A penny saved is a penny that could be cleaned.

You're welcome.

*just for the record, I still wash her hands after she plays with them, because um, ewww!

Twinnie Tuesday

2009-10-20T09:00:00.000-04:00

We are seriously ahead of schedule in the Green household. You may be thinking, hmmm ahead on what? Did she get the winter clothes swapped out with the summer ones?

Um, no.

Did she get the house winterized and the girls flu shots?

I really don't know what that first thing means, and I tried to get the shots, I truly did, but our pedi is out until November (grrr). I guess they haven't seen the 8 million commercials stating the importance of prevention.

Maybe she got ALL of their Christmas shopping done.

bwahahahahahahahaha. No, that is most definitely not it.

I guess I should clarify that when I say we, I mean Emily.

Are you ready for this one? She's crawling. And by crawling I mean up on all fours, one limb in front of the other, no weird army schooching (sorry Lainey!) crawling.
A big shout out to Anna Grace who is also up on all fours and will be joining baby b shortly, I am sure.

I guess it's time to baby proof, or buy kiddie leashes.

Totally kidding.

I think.

In the chompers department, Anna is up by one, with a grand total of two bottom teeth. ~~Mommy~~ Emily just might go a little cuckoo if her second one doesn't make an appearance ~~in the near future~~ tomorrow.

Now onto the gratuitous photos of my girlies. I love them more and more every day. Especially Lainey, because she's starting to do things on her own. Like get snacks.

Okay, so I don't love one more than the other. How could I not adore these faces, even when they are planning their escape?

My sweet Anna Grace

And the ever feisty Emmy

Now that I think about it, I am slightly ahead of schedule. Here's a preview of our Halloween cuteness....

much love,

Jess

God is Bigger than the Boogeyman

2009-10-01T14:03:00.000-04:00

A while ago the Boss took me on a little get-a-way adventure. When I mentioned to my mom where we were going she said

really? I thought you all were hotel, room service kinda people.

Yeah right, Nana. We are SO into the outdoors thing. Camping is my life.

So long as camping includes electricity, a jacuzzi tub, a dvd player, and air conditioning.

We were just west of the the middle of nowhere. I would show it to you on a map, but Christopher Columbus and his people haven't gotten there yet. It was the most gorgeous, peaceful setting. When we first arrived all we could do was stare at the water and wonder how it was possible for it to be that quiet.

Then we took a little nature walk and did what most people do. We threw rocks at trees (Andy) and swatted the bugs (Jessie). Okay, so I threw a few rocks, but I wasn't hitting anything. At all. On purpose or accidentally. That is until Andy gave me some pointers and I totally hit one the first time I tried it his way. Huh, it's like he does this for a living, or something.

Moving on.

That evening we were enjoying our dinner on the deck when the bees decided to join us. So we quickly made our way, along with the food, back into the cabin. We ate, we I drank, we played 83 rounds of Sequence, roasted marshmallows over a candle ( I know, so roughing it!) and then settled in for a movie.

Now when you're just west of the middle of nowhere, it's really dark. I mean, can't- see-your-hand-in-front-of-your-face dark; which for movie watching is awesome. Right up until we reached that scene in the movie where the bad dude is gearing up to go shoot anyone who stands in his way and then in real life we hear

clang! bang! boom! crash!

Oh crap.

Right outside our door, on the deck, the bad guy had arrived to shoot us, and apparently he was as clumsy as me.

Andy jumped up, and I told him to turn on the lights.

Why? he asked.

Because everything is less scary in the dark! I said.

He laughed at me, and then obliged. Although he pointed out that now scary noise maker could actually see us, since we turned the lights on for him.

Whatever.

Neither of us was brave enough to see who/what was making the noise so we watched the last 14 minutes of the movie with the lights on. (Ha, I told him it would make it better).

Then we had a choice. Do we look outside, or not?

We went with option a, and I got ready for bed. Only I couldn't sleep, because the windows were open in the bedroom (who needs fresh air?!?!). I just knew if I got up to close them, the bad guy would slice through the screen and get me.

My husband took care of it. Not only did he close the windows, but he slept on the side of the bed closest to the door while holding a boat oar.

Hmm, a boat oar, you're thinking. Not the best choice for a weapon.

You work with what you have, people. You work with what you have.

Then I did what I hadn't done in a blue moon. I slept. Ultimately, this was the goal of the getaway. I have pretty much been tired since February. I am blessed to have alot of help from my family, but even when I sleep, it's with one eye open, waiting for a sweet little girl to need me.

Andy knew this. He knew that if he didn't lay beside me and say, it's okay, I've got this one, you rest - I wouldn't have. I fell asleep knowing that if the bad guy jumped through the window, or even worse, if a spider crawled into our bed, Andy had it covered.

God is like that. He's sitting at the doorway, holding an oar, ready to knock the obstacles out of your life. He wants you to rest.

Just lost your job and stressed about the bills? Rest.
Have a rebellious child who won't listen to your wisdom? Rest.
Lost your spouse to cancer? Rest.
Feeling lonely? Rest.
Tired of the same old battles you face? Rest.
He's right there, waiting for you to give it to him, whatever it may be, and rest.

.................................................................................

The next morning I bravely stepped out onto the deck, prepared to to face the beast. That, and I had left my library book out by the porch swing, and who really wants to pay late fees? To my dismay, I found this.......

Maybe we should have double checked our clean-up efforts after the bees chased us inside. Apparently the smell of meat attracts animals, or something. All I know is, next time we go camping we should really consider renting a much less intense movie.

Tubas and such

2009-09-22T14:02:00.001-04:00

When you are a newlywed, you tend to gloss over certain things. Like, oh honey, I know you'll put the toilet seat down next time, besides, I like the refreshing feel of cold water on my booty at four in the morning. Or, you forgot to take the garbage out? No problem, those swarming flies looked hungry anyway.

But some things, you may want to pay a little more attention to.

We knew each other pretty well by the time we got married. We had dated since high school and then there was the engagement period that we now refer to as "when time stood still". It only lasted 3ish years, but seriously, it was long.

During that time we talked about a lot of things, including our future children and what we thought they would be like. We had lots of laughs over the possibilities that lay ahead. His athletic ability, my height, his charm, my eyes, his smile, my musical inclinations, his brains...did I mention my height?

Then there was the flip side, which was equally entertaining. They could have his height, my athletic ability, his vocal stylings, my need for orthodontia, his hair line, my ~~lack of~~ love for a good mathematical equation...

and that's when I asked

What if you, Mr. Professional Athlete, have a son who plays the tuba in the marching band?

He didn't even hesitate to say - then I will learn to love the marching band. (Okay, he hesitated a little, give him a break, will ya, people?).

Then we had Lainey. As a paranoid first time mom, I was reading everything I could about milestones and when infants should be doing what. She never really rolled over, but I thought - hey, she's just a content baby, no problem with that. At six months she sat up, hallelujah, we're right on track. And then she sat. And sat some more. For the next.five.months.

Girlfriend didn't want to roll, never really cared to crawl and pulling herself up?
No thanks, my mom can hold me.

Finally, at the ripe old age of 17 months, she walked. It was a bloomin' miracle. We had to make an appointment at the Shriner's Hospital because her feet turned out so far, but hey, she was walking!

Then I got pregnant with the Littles.

Sometime during my pregnancy, Marcia, a dear family friend, sent my old pediatric medical records to my mom. What a gift!

Um, no.

As we were skimming through them, my hubby came across a form that my mom filled out for my 3 year well child visit. There were lots of questions but one in particular caught his attention.

Please put this piece of paper on the ground. Can your child jump over it?

She circled "no".

I laughed so hard I had to pee.

My poor hubby. He thought his genes were stronger than mine. But hey, I have done my part. Our girls are going to be seriously tall.

Which should help when they have to carry that big old glockenspiel in the marching band.

Nostrils are SO entertaining!

2009-08-31T13:55:00.000-04:00

I have never really had to child proof the house. Lainey wasn't one to put things in her mouth, or climb things. Let's face it, she didn't walk until she was 17 months old, so I had it pretty easy in the keeping-up-with-the-baby department.

She has always enjoyed playing with small things. Marbles, checkers, and these seriously tiny beads she calls "littles" (hence the name for our girls!) are her go-to toys. She loves to put them in cups and pour them back and forth, or just carry her "jewels" around, showing off her treasure to anyone who cares to see it.

One night, a few weeks ago, while she was eating dinner, I said something to her from my seat on the couch (feeding a baby - it's what I do). Oddly, she was staring at the wall and wouldn't even acknowledge my voice. If you've met her, you know that girlfriend rarely passes up an opportunity to chat. After several attempts to get her attention (Lainey Hope, look at mama!), my mom meandered over to the table, took a look at our gal and said

um, we have a problem.

Then she started to giggle.

I jumped up, ran over to the table and there she was - my girl, sitting in all her glory, with peas stuck up her nose.

Not just any peas, mind you.

They were dried peas.

Know what happens when dried foods get stuck into snot filled nostrils?

They REHYDRATE.

Yep, just let that thought sink in for a moment.

So, I gathered my wits about me, as well as a nose-sucker, tweezers, and a flashlight. (Not really sure what the flashlight was gonna do for me, but it seemed like a proper tool).

Now she's crying, because she realizes this isn't going to end well. My mom keeps saying, I think you're gonna have to go back to the twilight clinic (we'd been that day for Emmy's pink eye), and I am determined to get these little boogers (bwahaha, I am too funny!) on my own.

Or call a friend to do it for me.

Unfortunately, my good friend and neighbor, Courtney, wasn't home.

So it was all on me.

If this should ever happen to you, please note the following. If your toddler hasn't fully grasped the concept of blowing his/her nose, now is not the time to try to teach it. Because now the peas have climbed higher up and she's telling me it hurts.

Oy vey.

Eventually, between the nose sucker and the tweezers, her tears and my giggles, we got them out. Two of them actually, one for each hole.

I did use the flashlight, for good measure, just to make sure there wasn't anything else up there - like maybe chocolate chips or something.

You know, for dessert.